A mom writes in asking for advice. A close friend of hers just had a stillbirth the same time she had a healthy baby. Now she is posting pictures of her baby on Facebook. One family member of that said person told her that this was considered gloating and she should stop gloating about her daughter. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I am very close to someone who had a stillbirth very close to the time I was due. I had a healthy birth. This is my first child and I share a lot of photos on my personal Facebook page as well as updates for family members and close friends. It has been implied by a family member of this said person that I should not gloat about my daughter. How would you take this?
I feel as this is my personal page, you don’t have to follow but I do not want to give up my life with my first and possibly only daughter on account of hurting someone’s feelings. It’s not about them. As unfortunate as it is to lose one, there are several healthy children in this family.”
Community Advice for This Mom
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was pretty much unanimous in the fact that it is her Facebook and her daughter, so she should continue to post what she likes. One commenter said: “You post those pictures. Be there for your friend. It’s hard to lose a child but if she is really your friend she will be happy for you.”
Other comments suggested that she change her privacy setting to exclude this person and their family so that they wouldn’t see the posts. “Ask her to mute you for 30 days,” one commenter said while another stated “You aren’t gloating, you are celebrating your daughter’s life. Yes, it is horrible that she suffered a tragic loss, you can be there for her as a friend. However, that doesn’t mean you should stop sharing your daughter with friends and family as she grows.”
Some commenters also shared their story of being on the other side. One mentioned, “I am the mother to an Angel. Yes it hurts to see other people’s children, however, it hurts worse when we feel like people are excluding us, or avoiding us. So keep doing you.”
Another asked if it was her feelings or just a family member’s feelings by saying, “Being conscious of your friend’s feelings is important if your friend is important to you. I would talk to her and see if your posts are upsetting her. If they are, simply post it to where she can’t see it. As sad as her loss is it’s not very nice for people to be shaming you about your joy.”
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This question was asked by a Facebook community member who has asked to remain anonymous.