A mom writes in asking for advice. Her husband constantly thinks that she has cheated on him and it’s exhausting. From the beginning of their marriage, he has threatened divorce and does not trust her. When she had their baby, he thought she cheated since it only looked like her and not him. She hurts because of it. Even though she loves him, she wonders if it is worth the pain he causes her. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband is constantly accusing me of cheating and lying, and repeatedly suggests I leave and we divorce. It’s so bad that during my last pregnancy, he would make comments about how I could have easily cheated on him while he wasn’t home, and that the baby probably isn’t even his. We have two boys. When we found out we were having our second boy, he confirmed his suspicions, in his mind. In his family, everyone that had kids had boy-girl-boy-girl.
Then when I had the baby, he was even more convinced that I cheated because the baby looks just like me. He even started a fight on the way home from the hospital, because he just couldn’t get over how the baby doesn’t look like him. From the first week of our marriage, he’s been threatening divorce every time we have an argument.
Every day when he gets home from work he basically interrogates me about my day. If something doesn’t “add up” to him, it’s a sign that I’m cheating. I am absolutely exhausted. Even though I love him more than anything, and I don’t want to tear apart our family, I can’t help but feel like all this pain and frustration isn’t worth the brief periods of happiness we have. I am just so frustrated because my husband thinks I have cheated but I have never ever cheated, and I’m hurt and exhausted because he refuses to trust me.”
Community Advice for This Mom Struggling with Her Husband
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Commenters all said that they think her husband is the one who has cheated and she needs to leave before it becomes too exhausting. Everyone felt that it was a toxic and abusive relationship. One shared, “That’s toxic and setting a bad example for your boys. It’s modeling to them that this is how a man treats his wife. I totally understand that you don’t want to tear your family apart but at this point, isn’t he already doing that?”
Others agreed and told her to leave before it’s too late. One commented, “Get out now. As hard as it may be, [this relationship] will wear you down so much you will lose yourself. The kids will thank you. Also in the long run much better to have healthy relationships apart than fighting constantly together.” Another agreed: “Take your babies and go now. It will just get worse and that isn’t a healthy environment for them. I think he’s projecting his own guilt!”
Almost all the commenters felt that it’s the husband who is cheating and is feeling guilty. One commenter said, “He is most likely the cheater. I would just file for divorce because there is no way to ever be happy in that situation. Your children don’t need to see the strife between you two.” One shared: “It has been my experience that the one making the accusations of cheating is usually the one cheating. Their guilty conscience places the blame on you. You deserve better than that. Take your kids and go.”
Some offered advice and tried to look from his perspective to try to understand what is going on. One suggested, “He needs to go to counseling for his issues. Then, after he has been for awhile, make sessions together. But definitely don’t put up with his crap. Take a break if you need to and move out for a bit to see if you want to continue a relationship with him.” Another thought, “If he has been in other relationships where women cheated on him, it usually means he’s deeply hurt and he will always be feeling he isn’t good enough.”
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