A mom writes in asking for advice. She says that her husband’s family is angry that she doesn’t want her husband’s cousin present in the delivery room because, historically, she has been very nasty toward the OP. His family strongly disagrees. Is she wrong for feeling this way?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of the community asks:
I was told by my significant other that his father had said it was “f****d up” that I will not let his cousin come to the hospital when our child is born. Here are the reasons why I don’t want to allow it:
1. She once came to our house calling me every name in the book in front of my kids!! Woke them up from their sleep and everything. (She called me a c**t, a b****, etc.)
2. She tried helping him find other people to date while we were together!
3. She texts him things like “wtf has she done to you?” if we are in an argument.
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
So honestly , I do not need the drama so I will be letting the hospital know that she is not allowed back. Am I wrong for this?
Let’s see what the community had to say:
You Are Not Wrong to Feel That Way
“Hell no. If she wants to be in the room for the birth, she can have her own baby. It’s your body and your baby. Maybe she should think about showing you some respect and apologizing so maybe you two could work out a civil relationship for the future, but I still wouldn’t let her in.”
“Giving birth is stressful enough without added drama. No, you aren’t wrong for how you feel. You and your children do not need the negativity.”
“Nope. Tell the hospital she’s not allowed. They’ll honor your wishes.”
“You have every right to do that! You’re absolutely positively 100% in the right!!!!!!”
“She would not be allowed anywhere near me or my children at all anytime in this life. You’re not wrong at all.”
I Wouldn’t Let the Cousin Be in the Delivery Room Either
“I wouldn’t let her either. That’s time for you daddy and baby, certainly no drama.”
“Not wrong. I get she’s his family, but no one should treat another that way. So no, I wouldn’t allow it either. Oh well. Question: why is he involving her in your arguments??? To me, that’s weird.”
Your Partner Needs to Step Up
“Your SO needs to stand up for you or he isn’t worth having around. Just you and SO in delivery, and tell nurses you don’t want the cousin in your hospital room. You can explain the circumstances and they will understand and will take care of it. I had a protective nurse, not because of a situation like yours tho. But they are very good about caring for patients. Don’t even let her know you are going into labor, tell SO to zip his mouth about when you’re in the hospital. Your SO’s father needs to understand why the cousin is not allowed. Put your foot down, be respected.”
“Your man sounds a bit guilty here too. Why is he texting her about your fights!? It’s nobody’s business what’s going on between the two of you. He needs to stop enabling the drama. His dad seems entitled to have a say in your life for some reason. My guess is it’s your man again. If he can’t handle a relationship on his own, I guess he needs to figure out what it is he needs. And hell no. It’s your choice who you want there. After all that she did, she’d be lucky to even meet baby if it were me!”
Consensus says: No, OP, you are not wrong in feeling that your SO’s cousin should not be in the delivery room with you. Regardless of past behavior, it is your body and your baby, and things can and should be exactly the way you want them to be. Factoring in the cousin’s terrible behavior just means it’s doubly-okay for you to keep her out of the room. Don’t feel bad about it! And we agree that your SO should be working to managing this situation, as it is his family (and you have enough on your plate at the moment).
We wish you the best of luck, mama! In the delivery room, out of the delivery room, and with your husband’s cousin and family, generally.
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