the father of my child won't marry me

I Thought I Was Going to Marry The Father of My Child. He Says He Has No Plans for Us to Marry. Need Advice!

A mom writes in asking for advice. She and her boyfriend recently bought a house together and welcomed their first child. She says her boyfriend is a wonderful partner and dad and she would really like to get married. However, when she asked him when he thought they would do so, he said he doesn’t plan to marry her. This mom is feeling really sad and hurt and wonders why she’s not “good enough” to be his wife. Any advice for this mom?

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A member of the community asks:

Here’s a question for you stepmoms. So I have a bonus son who I love so so much. We have him 90% of the time, and when his mom comes around, I have a hard time sharing with her. How does everyone do it?

I know he’s got another mother, but I want to be there for everything. Also, she just asked me if just she and my husband could go to his doctor’s appointment because I will have my other bonus and our son. I don’t want that because then no one tells me what’s going on with him.

He’s got health issues, and I like to be informed since I’m his sole caretaker most of the time (SAHM). I’m not sure if I’m overstepping or being crazy if I say ‘No, I’m going with him.‘”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Who Was Hoping to Marry the Father of Her Child But He Has No Plans to Marry

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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Advice for this OP was mixed. Many commenters said that if marriage is what she wants, she should have the conversation again, without alcohol this time, and be very honest about her needs.

His refusal to marry may have nothing to do with their relationship. “This can have a lot to do with how he was raised and what he sees as a norm, ” said one commenter. “Maybe he seen bad marriages and never wants that or maybe his parents or grandparents were unmarried and had a great relationship. You could always propose to him!”

Other commenters felt differently, advising the OP that this is likely a sign that the relationship won’t end the way she wants it too and she should decide now whether to stay or leave. “You deserve to be with a man who wants to spend forever with you and make it legal,” advised one commenter. “I’d get rid of him if it were me.”

Others said that the OP may want to reevaluate why marriage is so important. “Not everyone wants to get married, but, they are capable of commitment,” said one commenter. “There’s no need to get upset over the fact that it’s just not for him. If he’s 100% committed to a life with you, live in that. Enjoy that. Be accepting of that. Trying to force him into marriage is only going to push him away.”

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

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