A mom writes in asking for advice. She believes she is in a toxic relationship and wants to get out, but doesn’t know what to do. Her boyfriend doesn’t do anything to help her and the baby. He spends the money he gets on drugs and alcohol instead of the baby’s food. Her boyfriend won’t let her do anything or leave without him. He is possessive and starts to threaten her sometimes. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“Is this a toxic relationship? My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and have a six-month-old son together. We just got an apartment, and I’ve paid for everything, bills, and furniture because he wasn’t working. The money he got from his friends or family he spent on weed and alcohol even when he knew our baby needed formula or diapers. He doesn’t have a license and refuses to get one and drives my car without my permission!
He calls me lazy even though I work two jobs and go to school and says that the court would give our son to him because I’m so young. Is this true? His family is always drinking and not financially stable, either. I cannot leave when he’s around because he won’t let me go! I’ve told him if he doesn’t change I’m going to leave and he threatens to call the police & CPS. He does not allow me to go anywhere without him, or else he accuses me of cheating on him. Also, he always goes through my phone trying to find something. He barely helps out with our baby. He would rather play video games than help me when I ask.”
Community Advice for This Mom Wanting to Get Out
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The advice from the commenters was all in support of this mom getting out of her toxic relationship with her boyfriend. One shared, “Kick him out. The worst he can do is take the baby and then you have to go for custody but guys like this wouldn’t be able to handle a child for an hour or so. He’s all bluff. I would call him on it.” One commented, “Get rid of him before things got out of hand and he hurts you or the baby.”
Another commenter agreed, “That is extremely toxic. Leave. If he does call the police and CPS, just cooperate. There’s no justifiable case against you. The courts won’t give him custody. He’s not working and you are. You will basically automatically get custody because of that.” One commenter suggested, “He is controlling you which is a form of domestic violence. If you don’t feel safe, then get a friend to call the police without him knowing.”
One commenter shared her personal experience. She commented, “I was in a similar situation with children. I just finally realized that my children are worth more than putting up with a man who wants to be childish and controlling. Talk to someone who can get you the help you need. Don’t be afraid of him. You are stronger than you know. Just go.” Another encouraged, “Yes, this is an abusive relationship! Resources are available. You do not have to live like that! You’re better off on your own, honey, and you will find someone who treats you better.”
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