A mom writes in looking for advice about a tricky situation. She suspects a mom — her current boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend — is neglecting her child. Should she call CPS, or is everything actually as it seems?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of the community asks:
There is a girl who I have known for a bit as I date her ex. From what I hear all the time, her child is filthy. She drinks a lot, and her child is always outdoors with barely a thing on. Last time I saw her child, it was said that she barely feeds him. She doesn’t work or support her child. What should we do?
Let’s see what the community has to say:
Consider Contacting the Appropriate Authorities
“That’s easy… call CPS.”
“Honestly it’s a CPS call.”
“I would call and tell them the situation so they can do a welfare check on the child. Because if something happens to that kid, you’re just as guilty for sitting back!”
“Be sure what you are hearing about her is a fact. If it is, contact a family member of hers or report her to child services. The child is a main concern.”
“Report her it’s that simple. Don’t make easy things hard.”
Mind Your Own Business
“Mind your own business. And if you ACTUALLY care, offer her some help or solutions.”
“WHAT YOU HEAR? Have you seen this with your own eyes? If you’re the girlfriend now? And where are you getting your info? Mind your business for one, and let the dad deal with it. NOT YOUR BUSINESS.”
“Nothing. What you “hear” isn’t proof of neglect. Mind your business.”
“Mind your own business unless you truthfully gonna offer help.”
More Information May Be Needed to Know if the Mom Is Actually Neglecting Her Child
“If her ex is the baby’s father then he needs to step up and take care of his child. You are not the mom, not the stepmom, not the fiancée…just a girlfriend who from the sound of it doesn’t see this child a lot. This is all from “what you hear” not from “what you’ve witnessed”. Mind your business and tell your boyfriend to take care of his kid.”
“Be there for the child unless you see anything first hand. I wouldn’t try and ruin someone’s life over a rumor.”
“You can’t go on “hearsay ” From your post, it doesn’t appear that you have first-hand knowledge.”
“What happened to it takes a village to raise a child? If you see something, offer help before calling CPS. Some parents get overwhelmed when it comes to parenting. Kids are ruthless these days, sometimes they just need a person to talk to and a breather! Calling CPS is going to cause more problems…”
“‘What I hear / what I’ve been told’… Seriously, people! Just because you ‘hear’ stuff doesn’t make it true! Fact! People that don’t like other people make stuff up! And more people will take the time to judge someone than they will to help someone.”
It seems another question has divided the community! Plenty of people suggest contacting CPS and asking them to perform a welfare check on the child.
However, an equal amount of commenters advise the OP to slow down and consider the facts. Has she actually seen anything with her own eyes? According to her own post, that part is… murky.
If you truly believe the child is in danger, there are things you can do, such as calling CPS. But if you’re not sure? Or if you are basing your assumptions off of hearsay and rumors? Involving CPS at that stage could be a big mistake.
It’s also unclear whether the OP’s current boyfriend is the father to the child in question. If he is, we agree that he needs to be the one handling the situation with his child and ex. Regardless, a mom neglecting her child is a big deal that should be addressed, but only if that neglect is actually occurring.
We wish you the best of luck, mama, and hope this advice was helpful!
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