A mom writes in asking for advice. Her mother-in-law is throwing her a baby shower; however, she mentioned early on that she did not want a baby shower. This is her third baby, and each time her mother-in-law threw her a shower and she did not enjoy it. Her mother-in-law invites people she doesn’t even know and is overall not a fun time. This pregnancy, she told her mother-in-law she did not want one, but she decided to throw one anyway. This mom wonders if she has to do to it. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“How should I handle my mother-in-law throwing me a baby shower I do not want? After repeatedly (nicely) telling my mother-in-law that I do not want a baby shower for baby #3 (the first two were filled with drama), she is throwing me one anyway. I am incredibly uncomfortable as I am due this month. She knows that I haven’t been feeling well and on top of that this heat doesn’t help. She is inviting people that I’ve never met, (just like the first two and doesn’t bother to introduce anyone). Also, my mom would’ve loved to throw me one but she, unlike my mother-in-law, can respect that, so she didn’t. So finally my question is, do I really need to suck it up and put on a good face that day?”
Community Advice for This Mom Wanting No Baby Shower
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was evenly split. Half felt that it doesn’t matter if the mother-in-law is throwing her a baby shower without her wishes, she should go and be grateful anyway. One shared, “Honestly, I’d just get over it. She’s trying to be nice and you get free stuff. If there’s drama make people leave,” while another said, “If there is drama you can quietly leave with grace. Remove yourself from the drama as quietly as possible because you don’t have to be a part of it.”
Others agreed and told her to suck it up and go to the baby shower. One commented, “Honestly if I were you I’d suck it up. She is trying to give you a gift of a baby shower. Seriously just suck it up, put a smile on, and enjoy it.” Others shared similar experiences. One encouraged, “If it was me, I’d go and I’d be thankful she was giving me one, so what if it’s your third baby. Ask her to let your mom be involved in the planning as well.”
However, others felt like her mother-in-law was not respecting her, so she should not have to go to the baby shower. One commenter said, “I wouldn’t show up. If you already told her no, then she can’t expect you to show. I see no problem with not going.” Others agreed and felt like the mother in law needs to respect her, especially with her not feeling as well as the due date comes closer.
Other moms felt like the husband should go in her place since it is his mom. One shared, “Well my solution would be to let the Dad go in your place since it is his mom and you asked her not to already” while another said, “Send your husband as the representative from your family if you’re “not feeling well enough to go.” If he isn’t able to put his mom in check and set boundaries, he can handle the hassle of the shower. She gets her shower and you get the rest you need.”
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