A mom writes in asking for advice. Her husband’s ex, with whom he had a brief fling after getting together with the OP, continues to contact the family, despite being asked not to do so. What should she do?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
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A member of the community asks:
So the man I’m married to has an ex that he was with for about 3 years before he met me. When we met he claimed he was done with her, but he slept with her after us being together for about 3 months. BUT I didn’t find out until 6 months in. With him denying it, of course, I believed it so I stayed due to having A LOT going on including losing my grandfather at the time.
So my husband was all I had. Fast forward to about a year later: his ex messages him, but he showed me, and I messaged her just explaining politely to please leave us alone. She never responded, but she left us alone for almost 2 years.
She’s starting to travel apparently (via her FB page) and is coming to where we live, so she messaged him last night at 3:30 in the morning saying “hey.” He immediately showed me this morning, and I honestly am so beat.
It makes me so sick that she is still reaching out. Like, my husband and I aren’t doing too hot right now, and I just don’t need another stressor. Honestly, I’m asking what would you do? I know I should ignore it and that this is immature, but this woman is straight crazy, and I don’t want to stoop down to that. But the way my heart is set up, I can’t just let it pass. I just want her to understand what she does to my mental health. Would a restraining order do any good? Please, no bashing. Thanks In advance.
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s see what the community has to say.
Ignore Her
“I wouldn’t do anything. I don’t entertain people who don’t matter. He needs to tell her to leave him alone. He’s the one who owes you loyalty. Not her.”
“It’s as simple as blocking her. If she starts showing up at your place then consider getting the law involved. Judge won’t grant anything if the messages aren’t threatening.”
It’s Your Husband’s Responsibility to Fix This
“Tbh, if she keeps coming around there’s a reason… your HUSBAND needs to tell her to f*** off and change his number. If he can’t do that, then know that he’s opening the door for her.”
“Have him block her.”
“He should do more than show you. He should send her back to her lane and block her there.”
“If I were your husband, I would put her in her place, then block her.”
“This is all on your husband!!! He caused this problem and insecurity in you through cheating with this person. SO HE NEEDS TO FIX IT, and really he should have done it way before now. He needs to: 1) shut her down, and because this isn’t the first time she has reached out, he needs to do it in a way that is straightforward. 2) He needs to block her from ALL phone, chats, emails, apps, social media, etc. 3) He needs to show you proof that he has done this.”
You Know What You Need to Do
“The fact we use excuses to stay… you are clearly not happy or secure. You know what you need and want to do.”
In Conclusion
Most community members seem to think it is the OP’s husband’s responsibility to end the relationship with his ex once and for all. And we agree.
This woman continues to cause problems for the OP because of her relationship to OP’s husband. Therefore, it is the husband’s responsibility to fix it. Given how much mental anguish it has brought upon the OP, her husband should recognize and want to remedy the situation, since he is to blame. If he won’t block her or tell her to stay away, then… Well, you know what you need to do.
We wish you the best of luck solving this problem, mama!
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