A mom writes in asking for advice. She is a stay at home mom to two kids with a third on the way. The issue: her husband has a stressful job and works a lot. When he gets home, he wants to talk to her about everything that happened at the office that day. These conversations can take hours and by the end, this mom feels drained and anxious. She worries about him losing his job and she worries about how her stress levels may be impacting the baby. Plus she feels that these conversations leave no time for husband to pay attention to her or the kids. What should this mom do?
A member of the community asks:
“I don’t know what to do anymore. My husband has a stressful job and nearly everyday he comes home and we have to take hours talking about anything that happened to him that day. By the end of the conversation, I am exhausted and drained. He thinks people at his job are out to sabotage him.
I am 33 weeks pregnant with our third child and the stress of having to council him has been tearing me down. My stomach contracts up and it takes me a long time to relax it again. I pray that the stress is not harming the baby. I worry about him losing his job and we have 3 kids to take care of. I worry about everything he tells me now more than ever because he is the sole provider and I am a SAHM.
I have tried to tell him how much these conversations bother me but he still feels the need to come home and unravel all of his stress into me. It’s terrible because I often have a nice day until he gets home and then it’s just stress.
Given this, I just do not get very much attention. He works a lot and it seems the only time we have a conversation is when he is stressed about work and needs to talk to me about it. I feel used, drained, and neglected of any attention myself.
Our children, ages 7 and 2, are left on their own in front of the TV while he unloads onto me about his stress. I am desperate for some attention myself and want someone I can be happy and have good times with. What do I do?“
Community Advice for This Mom Who’s Husband’s Work Stress Is Ruining Their Marriage
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
This question sparked a lot of discussion! Commenters had mixed opinions. Some felt that the OP should be grateful that her husband talks to her about his day and wants to involve her in his career. Some took this a step further and said the OP was being selfish for not wanting to be there for him in this way.
“I mean, that’s marriage……?? He’s coming to you as a support system because he trusts and loves you,” said one commenter. “Yes, it can be tiring having to listen to someone unload all of their stress on you, and for you to share the burden but like, you’re his wife. You should always be there to support him, no matter how stressful it is.”
But others felt differently. Several suggested that if her husband’s job is causing this much stress he should either seek out a therapist or a career coach to help him find a new job. “Just because you are married doesn’t mean you’re his therapist. Support him of course,” said one commenter, “but if it gets to a point that it’s effecting your physical and mental health its crossed a line. If he’s that unhappy that he’s doing this every day like you say, he needs a professional or a change of career. You need to set boundaries and let him know what he’s doing.”
There were also some suggestions about helping the OP and her husband find a better balance for their time together. Perhaps limiting talk about his work to one short TV show for the kids and then having family time after, or saying that a few days a week you’re going to talk about family issues or planning for the baby and not his job. We wish you luck OP navigating through this!
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