A mom writes in asking for advice about having an only child. She and her husband say they don’t want a second child, but family and friends are pressuring them to have more. What should she do?
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of our community asks:
Hello! Is it bad me and my husband don’t want a second child? My parents and siblings are after us, saying, “it’s not good having only one child and this will make him stubborn and selfish” ( which isn’t true). I had been through a dangerous surgery last year, and my doctor’s advised me to avoid pregnancy for at least 5 years. As I will have passed my 30th at that point, I don’t want to have kids after that. My son will be grown up, and I want my husband and me to enjoy a free life…– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s see what the community had to say about this question.
Your Life, Your Choice
“Don’t be pressured by other people sticking their noses into your private lives and telling you how to make decisions that will affect the rest of your lives and not theirs. Nothing wrong with having one child. Better than having another that you really don’t want. Tell them to butt out of your private life.”
“Is it bad for you? Hell no. Tell them they can have kids if they want to. You two do what’s best for yourselves.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that at all! It’s a decision that’s up to you and your husband, nobody else. Especially if you have health issues that would make pregnancy risky.”
“Do what’s right for you and your family. Everything you have said makes logical sense to me. Don’t be pressured into another child.”
“Despite what the media and lots of other morons say, it is your life, your body, and your choice. If you only want one child, then only have one child if you want 4, go have 4. There is no right or wrong answer: it’s your life, you decide!”
There’s Nothing Wrong With Only Having One Child
“It’s your decision. Nothing wrong with only children, as long as you raise them right. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t matter how many children you have as long as you teach them to be functioning parts of society.”
“I’m the only child. I was spoiled, yes, but I have manners and more respect than a lot of people. My son is the only child as well. Spoiled, but he’s sweet, smart, shares well (and better than his cousins who have siblings). It’s all how you go about raising him, not if he has siblings are not.”
“I think people say stupid things out of habit. When are you getting married? Then, When are you having a baby? Then, When are you having another? And after a few kids, “When are you going to stop?” I’m an only child and my family was able to do so much more without the time & expense of more kids. In addition to your awesome parenting, with daycare, preschool, & kindergarten, little ones are socialized early anyway so the selfish, lonely only child is just a myth these days.” Tell Nosy Nancys that you got it right the first time so you don’t need any additional kids! Have an arsenal of snappy comebacks; repeat ad nauseam.”
“I only have one child. She will be 28 next week. Never once regretted it and she loves being an only child. She now has a 14-month-old son and he will be her only one. They have taken permanent measures to ensure that as well. I never wanted or needed more kids. It’s all personal choice. Don’t let anyone make that decision for you.”
“I’m one and done, and my son is far from being selfish or stubborn. I watch a 1-year-old little girl, and he’s so good with her it melts my heart. He always shares with her, but he likes going home and being the only child!! Nothing wrong with it do what works for you.”
Perks to Just Having One Child
“Many perks with having 1 kid! 1 birthday to go all out on, less holiday stress, more couple time, more family fun, etc! Having 1 child is just as rewarding as having multiple. Plus if your kid has a close bestie, you’ll end up having another because they’ll always be together.”
According to the community, the answer is a resounding NO! OP, it is not bad that you and your husband only want one child! Plenty of people have just one. (And plenty of people have, like, five!) The point is that everyone is different, every family is different, and that’s OK.
Family and friends may continue to pressure you, but you need to do what is best for you and your family. What do you want? You want one child. Then have one child. You have to live the life you make for yourself. People will offer advice, but you are not obligated to take it. So do you, mama!
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