My Parents Want Me to Them Back for Everything They Bought Me Since I Was 12: Any Advice?

A mom writes in asking for advice. Her parents want her to pay them back for things they bought for her for years. Every since she was twelve years old, they apparently have been keeping a ledger of things they bought her. Now, they want her to pay it all back, including gifts and random things they bought for her kids too. It turns out to be 22 years of stuff and thousands of dollars. Any advice for this mom?

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A member of the community asks:

“I just found out that my parents have kept a running total of everything I owe them since I was 12 and got my first job. For example, a $60 coat when I was 13 because it was winter and snowy, and I didn’t have one. Allowances throughout my teen years. $10 a week for years, I thought I was earning by doing chores. When I was 18, my car broke down, I had parked it until I could get it fixed. they fixed it and kept it secret until they gave me the keys on my birthday and said surprised it’s fixed. It was over $2,000 to fix it.

The clothing they purchased for my children without me asking. My kids had clothing, they just thought it would be cute. Literally everything they spent money on me since I was 12. Well, I’m bothered because I found out they expect me to pay them back. Thousands of dollars since I was 12. Most things I never asked for, other things I needed as a child. I don’t know what to do, and I feel sick about it. My mom showed me the ledger; it started in 1998 and is apparently still going. How do I deal with this? Its 22 years worth of what I thought was gifts. it’s so much money. I feel physically ill over it.”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Ill Over Money Issues

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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The advice for this mom was all very supportive. Everyone thought that the parents making her pay back everything for all those years is ridiculous. One said, “They need to be cut from your lives. The purpose of a parent is to be there for your child! You owe them nothing!” Another shared, “Don’t pay it. They can’t take you to a court or anything over it.”

Others said it wouldn’t hold up in court anyway, so not to worry over it. One said, “Any court will turn the case away, so don’t pay it. That’s absolute nonsense.” Another agreed, “Tell them to sue. You never entered a contract, so good luck to them.” One commented, “Ignore them and dare them to sue you for it. That’s just awful and I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with pettiness.”

Some commenters even had similar experiences where their parents wanted them to pay for years of stuff! One said, “My mother did this to me. Then she wrote the remainder off and said it was a gift. It totaled over $20,000 before she got rid of it at the age of 21. I will never do this to my children and I should add I don’t have a good relationship with my mother today.” Another shared, “Stuff like this is exactly why I cut off communication with my birth mother. My son doesn’t even need to see this kind of behavior within his own family. This is so very toxic.”

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

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