A mom writes in asking for advice. She thinks her partner is speaking negatively about her to his family. Recently, he refused to come home and stayed at his parent’s house. His entire family is constantly rude to her and her partner always takes their side instead of hers. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“My partner and I have been together for nearly 10 years. We have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old. His parents have never really liked me or taken much of an interest in our children. It has never really bothered me too much because my family is very involved with them.
A couple of nights ago it was getting late and he wasn’t home from work. When I rang him to see where he was, he told me he was at his parent’s house and he wasn’t coming home. I felt a little angry but said fine. The next day when he comes home everything is fine but I overhear him on the phone to his father telling him he’s not miserable and he’s not bowing down to anyone and no don’t say anything.
I feel like he’s talking behind my back to them. Every time I try to initiate a play date with his sister and the children she makes up an excuse. I told her maybe next time she should initiate it first then. She told me to go F myself and that he owns the house, I’m just living in it. My partner thought I was the one causing drama with her and he got very angry at me.
His father then put a note in my parent’s letterbox saying to ring him. His father is very aggressive and once referred to my daughter as a little B. My parents, of course, did not ring. My partner is in his 30s but I feel very confused by the way he’s acting. I’d just like to be supported by him when I say “your sister should not speak to me like that.” I feel it’s me against his family.”
Community Advice for This Mom
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Most advice was supportive of this mom. Everyone felt that if her partner is talking negatively behind her back to his family that she should leave. One shared, “No girl. I would confront him head-on. Obviously he’s talking about you. What’s wrong about it is the fact that they’re treating you like garbage based on the things he says.” Another said, “You all need to sit and talk. You don’t have to come off rude or disrespectful but you have absolute right to speak on how you feel to his family and him.”
Others gave their personal example. One commented, “I deal with this to a certain extent. Maybe not as bad. Let your husband do what he wants and if you get sick of it talk to him and if you don’t care then leave him.” Another agreed, “I can relate to this so much! This is what I have learned: talking bad about his family to him will not fix the problem. My children do not go around his family unless we can both be there as I will not be around them without him. Yes, I want my kids to have a relationship with their cousins but his family hates me and my kids don’t need to be privy to that kind of behavior or treatment.”
Many felt that she should not have to live with her partner speaking negatively behind her back to his family because it is not right. One said, “Nope. I wouldn’t be putting up with that. Your partner needs to be supporting you.” A commenter agreed, “If he isn’t even defending his kids, you need to leave him.” Another commenter suggested she leave, “Girl, get away from those people. Your children should not be around people like that including their father period.”
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