A mom writes in asking for advice. She became pregnant during a break in her relationship with her boyfriend, and now she’s unsure if she wants to, or should, keep the baby. She broke up with her ex and during the breakup, she got together with someone else. The pregnancy was unplanned and now she is back with her boyfriend. He understands the situation and wants to step up to be the father. But the mom is unsure if that’s the right decision. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“So my boyfriend and I have been together for six years and we have two children together. Earlier this year we split up and both seen other people. Long story short, I ended up getting pregnant due to failed birth control as well as two plan b’s. That relationship was honestly so toxic. I feel like I was only with him to get my mind off of my break up. He was older than me, never cooked or cleaned, never helped me with anything. Basically wanted me to take care of him. So that ended pretty quick. He says he will be “involved,” but I haven’t heard from him in months.
So my boyfriend, who I’ve been with for six years and I ended up getting back together recently. He knows I’m pregnant. He is willing to step and be a father figure to this child. However, I just don’t want to put that on his shoulders. I’m having a hard time deciding whether or not I want to give this child up for adoption.
I found out I was having a girl, and I always wanted a daughter. But I always thought it would be with him and not someone else. I have so many mixed emotions. I feel like I need to live with my mistake and be a mother to my daughter. But another part of me feels that I can’t be good enough for her because it’ll always be in the back of my head that her father and I was a mistake. I’m honestly so torn and I feel so terrible.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Unsure What to Do
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The advice for this mom was very supportive. Many thought that even though she is pregnant with someone else’s baby and not her boyfriend’s, she should still keep the baby. One said, “Nobody can make this decision for you. Listen to your heart, girl.” Another shared, “I feel that if you gave her up you would regret it later. As long as the man that you’re currently with understands the whole situation and still wants to be there, [that] should give you your answer. Keep the baby.”
Other commenters agreed and encouraged this pregnant mom and her boyfriend to keep their baby. One commented, “The child is a blessing. Everything happens for a reason and despite birth control you still got pregnant. I believe there is a reason for that. You have a chance to have your daughter and your partner is willing to raise your child. I would embrace this happy accident and add a baby girl to your family.” Another agreed, “A dad is the one who is there to help raise, wipe tears, give hugs and kisses, to give advice, etc. Keep the baby. God gave this child to you for a reason.”
Some commenters felt that she should keep the baby because some can’t have kids. One said, “There are people out there who can’t have babies who would love to have babies. You do what’s best for you! Don’t let anyone say anything negative about it!” Another shared, “Can you give this child the life they deserve? If not then maybe you should place the baby for adoption. That may be the best and most loving thing you can do for them. If you are financially and emotionally able to give this child the life they deserve, then keep the baby. Sometimes the most selfless thing you can do as a mother is looking past what you want and look at what the baby deserves.”
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