A mom writes in asking for advice. Her son is named after his dad, who recently left them. He hasn’t been around nearly as much as he should, but now he doesn’t call or come over anymore. Her son randomly talks about how his dad doesn’t love him. This mom is heartbroken and wonders if she can change his name. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“I was with my son’s father for seven years. We broke up a month ago and he hasn’t reached out in any kind of way — not a word to his son, who is four years old. In the last year of dating, he has come to visit seven times. About 12 hours’ worth of time if he’s lucky. He lives 40 minutes away and has his own car. My son is named after his father. I would like to change his name. He will be in school next year and I’d like to have it done before then.
My question is, do you think changing his name is the right thing to do? I feel it will cause my son sadness since he is named after a guy who has very little to do with him. My son has asked him why he doesn’t come around much. His father’s answer is always that he is just been busy. My son has also told me randomly how his father doesn’t care about him. It is all very hurtful. I feel so heartbroken for my son. How would you bring up the subject to change a child’s name you had with someone? I just really need to hear how people would handle this if it was you?”
Community Advice for This Mom in Need of a Change
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was very split. Some felt like she should change her son’s name now that the dad has left them. One said, “Do what you want. It is your kid.” Another agreed, ” Do it now while he’s little, I didn’t do it and I regret it.” One commented, “Go ahead and change his name. It won’t hurt anyone.”
However, some commenters felt that she should not change his name. One shared, “No do not! I don’t care how often he visits. Having his name changed because he shares the same name is going to cause more psychological issues than keeping it. I know you broke up, but he’s four. Don’t do that to him.” Another commenter agreed, “Your kid is 4-years-old, so he knows his name. Changing it now could really confuse him so I wouldn’t.”
Others felt like it should be up to the son to change his name or not. One suggested, “Don’t change his name now, but give him the choice when he gets older.” Another shared, “I don’t know if changing his name would be the right thing. I also think that it would be kind of confusing to him. Maybe call him by his middle name instead?” One commented, “I wouldn’t do it. Give it years. When your son is old enough to do it himself, let him take those steps.” Another commenter said, “Ask him what he thinks. Maybe your son already has a name for himself.”
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