I’m Having a Hard Time ‘Sharing’ My Stepson with His Biological Mom: Any Advice?

A mom writes in asking for advice. She is a stepmom to a boy she loves and takes care of most of the time. She says she is having a hard time “sharing” her stepson with his biological mom, who allegedly only takes care of her son 10 percent of the time. She also says that feels it is important she is present for a specific doctor’s appointment for her stepson, though plans were made without her.

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A member of the community asks:

Here’s a question for you stepmoms. So I have a bonus son who I love so so much. We have him 90% of the time, and when his mom comes around, I have a hard time sharing with her. How does everyone do it?

I know he’s got another mother, but I want to be there for everything. Also, she just asked me if just she and my husband could go to his doctor’s appointment because I will have my other bonus and our son. I don’t want that because then no one tells me what’s going on with him.

He’s got health issues, and I like to be informed since I’m his sole caretaker most of the time (SAHM). I’m not sure if I’m overstepping or being crazy if I say ‘No, I’m going with him.‘”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Stepmom Who Is Having a Hard Time ‘Sharing’ Her Stepson With His Biological Mom

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary


Most commenters advised that, since OP is the primary caretaker of her stepson, she has every right to request being present at the doctor’s appointment. Simply communicate that it is important for you to be there, and work out a plan with your partner and your stepson’s mom.

Other commenters felt differently, advising OP to be careful not to overstep boundaries since this woman is this boy’s mother and always will be.

As for the larger issue of “sharing” your stepson with his biological mom, that is something OP may need to work on. It seems his mom is involved in her son’s life, or at least is trying to be involved, and she should be! You will need to work with both her and your partner to come up with a parenting plan that is fair to everyone, including your stepson.

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

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