A mom writes in asking for advice. Her own mother is constantly on her back about her weight, which she has struggled with for years, even before having children. She wants to know if any other moms have advice on how to deal with the painful weight-shaming comments made by her mother and other members of her family.
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers. Let’s hear from the community!
A member of the community asks:
I NEED TO VENT OVER MY WEIGHT! ANYONE ELSE SENSITIVE ABOUT THEIR WEIGHT?
OK, so, me and my mom got into it today over something stupid, but that I’m very sensitive about… I was helping cook dinner, and I went to go sit down and she tells me, “It looks like you’re pregnant and having a boy the way you’re sitting.”
I’m like, “No, I’m just fat.” I hear all the time how I let myself go and gained quite a bit of weight after my 3rd pregnancy. So yes, it hurts my feelings. She said it again, and I got mad because I hear it all the time from my grandmother who was big at one point. In fact, she had to get gastric bypass surgery because she was big and her health was horrible. But now she is thin and thinks she’s all high and mighty.
So I hear it from her how I am big, or she tells me she has some clothes that will fit me from when she was big. So when my mother told me this today, yes I got mad and annoyed because weight has always been my issue even before my 3 kids.
I don’t go around wearing tight clothes or anything that shows my body because I am just simply not comfortable with myself. I just had my 3rd baby, a girl, 3 months ago and my body didn’t bounce back. So bringing up my weight is just a sensitive topic…
Anyways, after telling my mom that I never say anything about her weight or call her names, she stormed of. My mom is also overweight, but I never say anything about her… I’m so annoyed with it. How did y’all mamas get through the weight-shaming?– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Let’s see what the community had to say.
Find a Way to Brush the Weight-Shaming Off
“Just tell her you’re not fat. Just pleasingly plump. Don’t forget to giggle!”
“I know it’s hard, but maybe she’s having a childish flashback and just saying it to get a reaction out of you. Don’t react and maybe she’ll stop.”
“Tell them both to go get a life and stop worrying about your weight. They need to get a hobby.”
Don’t Let Weight-Shaming Comments Get to You
“I know it’s hard but don’t let it get to you. There’s nothing wrong with being a bigger woman, there’s just more of you to love! Maybe you could make a crack about how she’s not the one sleeping with you lol!”
“I get weight-shamed as well. I just turn the other cheek. I’m battling depression and it’s hard to lose the weight. I had my third 3 years ago.”
“My best advice is not to let it bother you. I understand it’s hard not to be bothered by it, but just shrug it off. I’m not trying to be mean, but if you don’t like something about yourself, change it. Change your diet, start working out even if it’s at home while the kids nap, watch your calories and portion sizes, don’t overeat, and make healthy snacks. Make sure you’re eating a balanced breakfast and keep on it. Don’t give up! Bless you and your family.”
Lean on Your Support Network
“Surround yourself with people who encourage you through the weight loss and stay away from those who are ‘shaming’ you. Join a group, find a walking buddy, start a program: do something for you, that makes you feel good! I just had my 3rd baby one month ago, and I think my body is hideous. It’s natural to feel bad about it, but we really shouldn’t. Our bodies are freaking amazing whether it’s a size 0 or 24. We made babies!”
Remember Your Worth
“My grandma, bless her, has absolutely no filter at all and always points out my flaws and the weight I have gained. I try not to let it affect me, but it always does. I wish I had the words to help you through this. The only thing I can say is to remember you are worth way more than what a number on a scale says.”
“Okay first off, you wouldn’t want a steak with no meat. Why would you want a girl with no meat on her bones? Honey, be proud of that body… I have always been the fat kid in school, jobs, and social situations, but after my 3rd baby my body never came back. But that’s okay because my body successfully grew and birthed 3 beautiful babies, and so did yours. Flaunt that mom bod! When you don’t like your body, remember what it did and remember your daughters’ confidence comes from you, SO BE PROUD, MAMA!”
“Oh hun, you had a baby 3 months ago, the last thing you need to be worrying about is your weight. It’s so hard to ‘just ignore it’ when it is an issue you are sensitive about, but if you can, right now just enjoy your baby. Rest and maybe you can make it a goal for down the track to focus on getting your body to a weight you feel good about yourself in future. Be kind to yourself and be proud of your body that has just been through an ordeal in bringing a new life into the world.”
What an awful situation, OP! Weight-shaming is the worst, and we wish it didn’t exist period. (And especially for new moms, who already have enough to deal with!) We’re so sorry you have to put up with that. As many commenters pointed out, there is no reason to be down on your weight or body three months after giving birth. Easier said than done, we know, but it bears repeating: There’s nothing wrong with you or your body! We hope you can find a way to brush those comments off and focus on what matters: your children and your happiness. Oftentimes, when people make hurtful remarks, they do so because they are insecure or unhappy themselves. Something to keep in mind while you work through this with your mother and grandmother.
In the end, weight-shaming is never okay, and you shouldn’t have to put up with it!
We wish you the best of luck, mama!
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