A young mother shared the story of her difficult, unplanned pregnancy and pushy mother to Reddit asking the community AITA. Pregnancy is difficult enough already especially for a young mother who is only 19-years-old. In the post, she describes the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy which include struggles with an eating disorder and a mom with outdated ideas about delivery.
Her mother insisted that she not have an epidural because if she did she wouldn’t be a “real mother.” After suffering through a hard pregnancy, her mom wanted her to suffer through the birth as well.
The young mother was on bed rest for the duration of her pregnancy and needed help from her mom.
The pregnant woman describes her situation and includes that she struggled with an eating disorder throughout her pregnancy and other health issues which required her to go on bed rest at 6 months pregnant.
“I moved back in with my mom when I was 6 months gone because of the health issues around my pregnancy, as my boyfriend works 8-5 and I was on bed rest for a long time,” she wrote.
Her mother helped her out but did not withhold her judgments.
“My mom helped with my birth plan, and continuously said that I shouldn’t have an epidural, that I should experience birth, if I don’t have a natural birth with anything but gas and air that I’m not a ‘real’ mother, that young girls always cop out,” she shared.
In addition to wanting to receive the epidural, the expecting mom also wanted to try cloth diapers. Her mother judged her for her parenting choices daily.
Her mother’s judgment and edicts were a daily occurrence.
After insisting time and again that she knew what would be best for her and her baby, the expecting mom was fed up.
“I was sick of hearing it and told her that I would be doing what I wanted, and that if she was so insistent I couldn’t have an epidural then she couldn’t be in the room when I gave birth. This conversation happened almost every day, until I went into labour at 35 weeks,” she wrote.
At 35 weeks pregnant, she ended up needing a C-section.
“I had to have an emergency c-section. It was traumatic and painful, and I don’t remember much of my daughter’s birth,” she recounted. “I’m having a really hard time coming to terms with this, and I really do feel like the universe is telling me I shouldn’t be a mother because of the pregnancy issues and the birth.”
After a “traumatic” birth like she described in the post, she needed comfort.
She finally allowed her mother to visit her in the hospital the day after she gave birth.
“I stuck to my word and my mother wasn’t allowed in the room with me until the day after the birth,” she wrote.
At first, the new grandmother was upset until she saw the baby. Her daughter let her hold her grandchild. Things seemed to be going well until grandma spoke.
The young mother writes, “The first thing she [the new mom’s mother] said was ‘ah, she’s gorgeous. I’m so glad you get to feel the birth now because you didn’t get to do it naturally’. She gestured to my c-section wound. I was furious, demanded my boyfriend take the baby from my mother, and asked her to leave.”
Grandma got banned again.
“She cried and said she was joking, I said she needs to go and I need time to consider whether I want her in my life at the moment considering she obviously has no respect for me,” the upset new mom explained.
“This was two weeks ago,” the new mom wrote. “She hasn’t tried to contact me, but my dad has and he says I need to forgive mom despite her not apologizing. My bf says he’ll stand by me no matter what, but that I’m probably too emotional to be making long term choices like this. I do want my mom to meet my baby and I feel like I’m punishing her. Everyone thinks I’m an a**hole.”
People on Reddit rallied behind the new mom and agreed that her mother was in the wrong.
The new mom found tons of support on Reddit and users agreed that her mother was not a good influence in her life. Many even described her mother’s behavior as “toxic.”
One mom wrote, “I’m a c-section mom. Anyway, you give birth to your baby is between you and your doctor. Healthy mom and baby is the goal. After the baby is born, no one is going to ask you about your vagina. And if they do, stop talking to them. Your mom sounds toxic. It’s up to you if you want her in your life. You may need to put up solid boundaries. If she doesn’t respect your boundaries then she doesn’t see you and your family for a while. It really is that simple. When she’s ready to behave then she can see everyone again.”
Another agreed, “What you went through was stressful and traumatic, and rather than be a supportive figure she was a consistent thorn in your side. You deserve to take all the time you need to heal. Congrats on the baby … And don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help, PPA/PPD is a very real, painful thing (but it doesn’t make you any less of a mom).”
Another commented about the stigma of requesting painkillers during birth, “Why is childbirth the only thing some people insist women can’t take pain medications for? I don’t get it. A woman becomes a real mother when her baby is loved, and well cared for. How you deliver has nothing to do with it. Your mother is insane. Next time she talks about how natural unmedicated childbirth is better to tell she should have all future dental procedures without novocaine since natural is so much better.”
The new mom is recovering and said she’s feeling better, in part, from the comments on her post.
The new mother wrote that she appreciated the comments and that she’s taking the proper steps to heal.
“I reached out to my doctor a week after the birth and I’m having Skype therapy sessions twice a week at the moment … and I’m already feeling a bit better, so hopefully I’ll get to enjoy the baby time much more than how she got here :),” she revealed.
“It’s nice (well, not nice, but reassuring lol) to know that I’m not the only person who has been through these things. I do feel a little bit better already. Thankfully my boyfriend’s parents have been really supportive and have been amazing. I wish my mother was the same, but I’m just glad my baby girl is here and healthy :)”
We love that she’s taking care of herself and has read stories from other mothers who have been in similar situations. Pregnancy is hard. Being a mom is hard. It’s important to understand who around you is actually there to support you and looking out for your best interests.
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