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QUESTION: What does your spouse provide in your household?
“For Stay-At-Home Moms. Does your significant other provide entirely for your household? Like bills, groceries, extras? Does he give you any money for yourself, and/or does he save so that you can get things if you need them? I am currently a SAH Mom (not by choice). Although I love my kids, I was making great money working. But because my husband had a bad childhood experience in daycare, he refuses to let the kids go, and I had to be the one to sacrifice everything. It wouldn’t be so bad, but we never have any money, he never saves, and when I offered to take care of the finances, he argues with me because it ‘his money.’
I have to wait around for financial aid or extra money that I bring in from school to ever get my hair done, any extra clothes, or even get out of this house (which is also always an argument). I never have anything I need (or want, really) and find myself calling my mom (I’m a grown adult) to borrow money. I am getting really tired of it, but my significant other won’t even discuss the idea of me going back to work. So my real question is, am I selfish? Is this normal SAH Mom stuff? Or does your SO provide the essentials and still have leftovers?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for 10 years now with 3 kids and I handle our finances, so I give him an allowance. I pay our bills, figure out food and fuel budget, put some into savings, and then split what’s left for personal spending. This sounds more like control than a partnership. If you want to go get a job to have spending money do it, he can get over it.”
“I have been a SAH Mom for 11 years. I handle all our finances. I do all the budgeting for the month. So when we got married, we decided that whatever money is brought in is OUR money. There is no ‘his’ money or your money. We discuss all big purchases for ourselves. That includes nails/hair or his gaming or tools. Controlling money can be a sign of financial abuse. If you choose to get a job you could get an in-home babysitter instead of daycare.”
“This just sounds toxic and controlling. Have you looked into remote data entry positions or remote customer service positions? There are some really great remote jobs right now that could be perfect for mommies who need to be home.”
“If he doesn’t give you money, tell him you’re going back to work and he can stay home and be broke. My husband works and I control all the money, but you can’t compare yourself to everyone else. But it’s not fair he’s acting like everything is his, I’d go back to work if you want spending money.”
“Sounds strange to me. My husband gives me anything I need and I handle all the bills, and if I want to work, and I have, that’s not an issue either. Sounds super controlling to me.”
“If HE’s the one that made the choice for the kids to not be allowed into a daycare setting, then why isn’t he the one making the sacrifices for him to enable this?”
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