hates school: my daughter comes home from school defeated: how can i help her?

My Daughter Comes Home From School Defeated: How Can I Help Her?

A mom writes in asking for advice after her daughter woke up one day and said she hates school so much she wanted to burn her elementary school down. Although her daughter is already in therapy, the mom is asking other moms for advice on how to make school more enjoyable for her child.

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A member of the community asks:

“I’m sorry this is so long, but I have nobody else to ask! What would you do in this situation? My child is in the third grade currently. She has hated school for the last two years, and I mean, she absolutely hates it! She is constantly making negative comments like, ‘I don’t want to go to dumb school, and I hate dumb school!’ The worst one was two mornings ago, she told me she wanted to burn the school down with the teachers in it!

I couldn’t believe the words that came out of her mouth as this was five minutes after she had woken up! To give you a quick recap of her last two years of school: First grade she had a teacher who was literally the devil. She bullied and belittled my daughter for nearly the entire year up until the last three months when I stormed into the school demanding they put my daughter in another class and not let that teacher have any sort of contact with her ever. She had called my daughter Lala (her name) land in front of her classmates because she said my daughter spaced out, and the other children began to call her that, and my daughter came home crying.

She also went from a happy child telling me all about her day to shutting down and telling me she didn’t want to talk about it. She started saying things like, ‘It’s because I’m too dumb,’ when I asked her to do things around the house. I didn’t understand what was happening until she came home and told me her teacher said she told her not to come back and then we had to move. I had a yearly planner full of negative comments from this teacher and could have [sued] the school for how they handled the situation, which is why they finally fired the teacher because they feared I was going to.

Second grade my daughter had a better teacher. However, there were three girls in her class that constantly picked on her nearly all year long. And I was up there at the school several times talking to the teachers about it and they finally had the counselor bring in my daughter as well as these other girls and make them sign an agreement that they would all stay away from each other or there would be an office visit to the principal. So now, my daughter is made to feel she is being punished for being bullied.

This year is third grade, and my daughter has no friends and was telling me that her class hates her, and she sits alone at lunch. I have a sister in the same grade but a different class and has been telling how sad it makes her see my daughter sitting alone at lunch, and she doesn’t deserve to be treated like that! I met with my daughter’s teachers and counselor six weeks after school started and asked them to help with the problem and let me know if anything else happened. They said they would keep an eye out for it.

Now we are halfway through the year, and she is still sitting alone, and her teachers have done nothing to let me know or help. Also, they are quick to let me know when she isn’t paying attention during the day, but this last Friday, when another child assaulted her by hitting her in the head and back, I wasn’t given a note of any kind.

I’ve lost my patience with these people, and every time they see my face, they give me the “oh great what now look”?! My daughter is also in therapy and seeing someone weekly, so I will be addressing the comment about the teacher and school burning thing ASAP! No mother wants to hear that! My daughter used to be the happiest child! My heart is broken for how unhappy she is! Please, any advice??

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Whose Daughter Hates School

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary

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This mom was given a lot of advice on how to handle the situation at hand, however, the majority of people offering help suggested that it might be time for her daughter to be transferred to a new school.

One commenter wrote, “From someone who was treated poorly by teachers, isolated from everyone, constantly told I would amount to nothing and bullied to the point of retaliation, I would switch schools. By sixth grade, I figured I was a bad person because I was told that by teachers all the time. I believed and so I acted that way. I am ok now but I still deal with the, ‘Am I good enough moments?’ Change schools and stay in counseling.”

Another person added, “I would make a formal complaint and remove her from that school. Sounds to me like the staff at her current school failed her.”

And a mom said, “Homeschool! My daughter was bullied really bad by a teacher and students and that’s all I found that helped. It is very heartbreaking to watch your child go through that. Good luck.

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