A mom with money issues writes in asking for advice about her son and her son’s father, whom she is no longer with. She says that she has not been together with her son’s father for a long time; they did not work out as a couple. According to this mom, she eventually lost primary custody of her son, who elected to live with his father after being “showered” with gifts. She was supposed to have her son this summer, but her ex refuses to provide any financial support, even for groceries for their son, when she has him, which puts this mom in a financially impossible situation.
A member of the community asks:
“Is it wrong to tell the father of my son to keep our son for the summer?
This man and I had a child and separated a year later because we just cannot agree on anything. Our son is now ten years old, and I had custody of him up until he was eight years old. I never had financial support from the father during those years that I had him and would be told to go f** myself whenever I asked for money.
Eventually, I took him to court but ended up losing my son because the father all of a sudden cared for him and showered him with gifts and even pets the whole year we were going through court. In the end, my son said he wanted to be with his dad, and so his wish was granted. He did not and still does not understand that his father was just trying to protect his money.
Anyway, fast forward to today, I pay child support, and I haven’t seen my son since January. We have been looking forward to seeing each other again in the summer, but his father said he would not give any support again for the two and a half months that I will have my son. Plus, he expects me to keep paying him child support while I have my son with me.
We live thousands of KMs away from each other. I cannot afford to feed another human being in my current situation. And the father refuses to even help with $100 a month for our son’s groceries. I pay $260 a month for child support.
Am I wrong to tell him that I cannot have our son for the summer anymore because he refuses to give us some extra money for our son’s groceries? I have been crying a lot because I was looking forward to seeing my oldest son. I am expected to give birth at the end of this month too, so it was going to be a special moment for us. I just cannot afford it, and it breaks my heart so much.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Says She Can’t Care for Her Son This Summer Because His Father Won’t Provide Financial Support
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“As a mother, you find a way and do whatever it takes to see your child, especially if the other parent ends up with full custody.”
“You need to try harder for your son. There is no reason you have not seen your son since January, only if you live in different countries… You don’t have money, but you do for another baby on the way? And a 10-year-old doesn’t get a say in court with who he wants to live with for custody, they look at his well being and where he will thrive. And for the court to not choose the mother, that says something right there. Try harder, that baby needs his mother.”
“I would never refuse my kids if I were in this situation because of money. Where there’s a will there’s a way. I was a single mom to 5 kids and they always had food in their mouths and clothes to wear. If you say you can’t afford him for the summer then it sounds like the right person has custody and how are you going to support your baby for 18 years if you can’t do a couple of months with the other.”
“Dragging this woman like this is horrific! We are in the middle of a global pandemic. People been out of work for months. Not everyone has family to help them out. Food banks have extremely limited stock at this time. Sheeeesh… Send this woman some love and light and maybe even cash app her a little something… she is already stressed being pregnant during this time. Have some kind of sympathy. Sending this woman prayers and big hugs. Do NOT stress too much Momma. It may seem hopeless, but God got y’all.”
“You had all this time knowing he was coming in the summer. Even if you would have saved 20 bucks a month for the past 9 months ..that would have been ok. There’s no excuse. And judges don’t just hand over a kid bc the other parent showers them with gifts… there’s more to this story then you’re telling. Make it right and get your son for the summer. You had plenty of time to prepare.”
“There are food pantries that would give you food to help you feed him. And TBH, it’s not that hard to feed a 10-year-old. If you really want to see your child, then see your child. Jesus.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.