A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says her MIL “swears” this mom is deliberately keeping her 7-month-old away from her. And in a way, that is true, because this MIL is an essential worker, and this mom wants to keep her family safe during the ongoing novel coronavirus pandemic. Still, this mom is not deliberately trying to keep her child away, and she is not doing so to be rude or petty. How can she communicate this to her mother-in-law?
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A member of the community asks:
“My mother-in-law thinks I am keeping my child from her: Advice?
So My MIL swears I’m keeping my seven-month-old away from her on purpose. The problem is that she’s an essential worker and I don’t want to have my son around that, but now I’m the bad guy, and it goes back much further than that, i.e. I specifically told my husband I didn’t want her in the hospital AT ALL after I gave birth because that was a very private moment for me and it was embarrassing he brought her in any way. Fast forward to now, as I stated, I’m the bad guy because I’m not willing to risk my son’s health. So any advice would be appreciated.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Says She’s Deliberately Keeping Her from Her Grandchild
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Not wanting her in the room when you delivered is understandable. But, not wanting her at the hospital at all is another. That’s mean. I’m a grandmother and had they told me that I would have gone anyway as well. It’s a special moment for grandparents too. As far as you not wanting your son around her right now I completely agree my daughter is a front line worker and it’s scary. They can have no symptoms and still spread it. Don’t back down. It’s your responsibility to keep your baby safe.”
“So basically, the grandma wasn’t allowed to even be in the hospital when the baby was born. And COVID has been here since the first of the year pretty much. So, your baby doesn’t even know his grandma??? That’s pretty freaking sad. I see why hubby went against you. That’s called grandparent alienation. And in some states, illegal. She could actually take you to court for grandparent rights if it gets too bad.”
“Honestly, I’d be furious with my husband. It is his child, too, and her family, but during your birth and recovery your wishes take precedence. As for parenting decisions, it sounds like he just hangs you out to dry to his mom, which isn’t impressive. It is your right to decide who does and doesn’t see your child, for whatever reason you see fit. She should especially understand if she’s an essential worker because she knows the risk she’s at, and it is selfish of her to think that time with him is more important than his health.”
“Don’t ever feel sorry for protecting your baby. You have no reason to ever apologize or feel bad. Trust me I totally understand. I have a 3-month-old and a 7-year-old. I don’t let anyone around the kids. We missed holidays and birthday parties. Sorry but I’m keeping my kids at home!”
“You are keeping your child from her because you do not want the possibility of him being exposed. That’s being a good Mom. I do believe you are getting some joy from the decision because your wishes, which have nothing to do with the current situation and wasn’t necessary to share, were ignored.”
“You should not risk the child’s health obviously, but your relationship with your mother-in-law is quite important, especially if he is close to his mother. I would advise you to think about her position a little more.”
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