One woman’s mother-in-law crossed the ultimate line: wanting to be present during the moment her grandchild was conceived.
“Since sept of 2019, SO and I have started our medically assisted journey of TTC (trying to conceive). My biggest mistake was being so excited, and telling SO that I didn’t mind if MIL knew,” the woman explained to Reddit.
“SO is MIL’s only child, [she’s] talked about how she’s always wanted to have a daughter after she had SO, and he’s never had a serious partner until me,” the Original Poster (OP) continues. “She was under the impression that he would be a single bachelor for all of his life and therefore never have grandchildren, so my sweet summer child self thought it would be nice to include her with my girlfriends and close female family members in knowing about my baby plans.”
But the OP could not have been more wrong. At first, she was having so much fun with planning for the baby, having her MIL send nursery ideas or pictures of the baby section at Target.
And while the OP accepted and discussed with her closest female family members, including her MIL, that she was managing her expectations, and explained how conceiving a baby via fertility treatments is not a one and done situation for most women, and they all agreed.
The OP went on to explain how exactly the MIL found her way into the situation she never should have been apart of.
“SO and I have a huge calendar on our wall to keep up with the day to day, and all of my fertility clinic appointments were of course penciled in. There’s a billion blood tests and procedures they do to check you out so they can provide the best course of action for your specific fertility shortcomings.”
“This calendar is in full view of anyone who comes in our kitchen. MIL started asking me if I wanted her company at these appointments since I absolutely loathe getting blood drawn, but I politely declined. Then, coincidentally, she would call me about 15 min before my appointments telling me she’s in the area, and she’d love to go shopping with me/go for lunch/get our nails done.”
Each time, the woman would decline, informing her she had an appointment at the clinic and would be happy to come after. To which the MIL happily offered to be there despite the fact that she would be sitting in the waiting room the whole time. But she insisted and the woman let her come “for the first and last time.”
“When they call my name to draw my blood before the exam, she weaseled her way in with a bunch of ‘[I’ll] squeeze your hand and take your mind off if it!’ talk. After the blood draw they start to lead me back to the exam rooms, the nurse gives me a gown to change in and then leaves, and MIL plops her entitled a** on the chair in the exam room. I tell her it’s time she goes back into the waiting room, and she gives me a cheerful ‘I don’t mind!!’”
The OP informed her of how uncomfortable she was with her present in the room, and how she absolutely needs to leave. The MIL pouted, left, and after the appointment, was no longer feeling up to getting her nails done.
After testing was finished a few weeks later, the couple discovered the fetus did not make it past 1.5 months, which, while disappointing, did not come to a shock to the couple. The OP’s SO then gave his mom the update when she was at their home, and she could not handle it, fully sobbing along with incoherent sentences as she cannot breathe.
“She wraps her arms around me expecting me to console her, I am not fond of physical touch or hugs that aren’t from my mom or partner, let alone soggy body crushing hugs while someone is wailing, so I shoot SO a look that he knows means ‘peel this woman off of me before I garbage disposal her’ and he steps in. The things she was saying in the height of her hysteria were p*****g me off.”
“They were along the lines of ‘what are we going to doooooooo’ and ‘[I] had such a strong feeling it was a girl’. After 10 minutes of entertaining her theatrics, he firmly but calmly tells her it would be best if she goes home so she can grieve in the comfort of her own home, and if she can’t drive at the moment, he will call her an Uber.”
The woman explains how it all leads up to the next scheduled appointment where her SO is not able to come with her to the actual conception procedure. And while the woman has since kept MIL in the dark, she conveniently received a call from MIL asking her to go furniture shopping with her at a favorite spot, even renting a truck for the pieces the woman would want to take home with her.
“She steered the conversation to how we believe in good energy, and how love and positivity makes a huge difference in a person’s health and well-being. Sure sure, all things I subscribe to. She then launches into how she would love to gift me her positive and loving support during my procedure since SO isn’t going to be able to be there. Y’all. Gift me.”
And then the other shoe dropped:
“She would love to //////GIFT ME////// her prying boundary stomping eyes on my vagina while I’m being impregnated in one of the most uncomfortable ways. If that’s a gift, can I exchange it for a lobotomy or perhaps a leisurely bath in acid?”
The woman continued, revealing how the MIL adds to the awkwardness.
“She then goes on to say that since I only want my mom and SO in the delivery room, that it would be nice of me to let her be apart of this special moment. The only thing I could think to say to her was ‘is this a joke.’ and that set her off.”
“She didn’t understand how and when I became so ‘cold and distant’ to her, and that she thought I considered her to be a mother figure, that she worked really hard and put in a lot of effort to be that for me, and she didn’t know what changed that.”
This set the woman off. She shut down her MIL, explaining how her own mother figure “…respects my space, boundaries, and opinions,” and added how she would never replace that role in her life. Needless to say, the MIL did not take it well. She began to cry, called the woman ungrateful, and said how she would regret treating her this way.
While many supported the mother-to-be, one comment called out what exactly why the MIL was in the wrong based on personal experience.
“Red flag. She’s trying to get you to drop your guard. My MIL did the same. She goes through the motions but doesn’t mean it. It’s all manipulation and a show to make you look crazy/ungrateful/a liar when you tell others that she’s abusive or boundary stomping narc.”
Did she do the right thing? Or was she just a touch harsh? You decide! Comment below and share your thoughts.
With a background in the creative and educational fields, Amelia Finefrock is freelance writer, singer-songwriter and nanny based in Chicago.
Mamas Uncut is the place for moms online. We cover the latest news around motherhood and parenting, plus entertainment news as well – all with a mom-focused twist. Looking for parenting advice? We have plenty of it, all for moms, from moms. Our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for. We don’t stop there though, we have expert advice on a range of topics, and all of our categories get updated multiple times a day, so if there’s one website for moms you need to bookmark, it’s Mamas Uncut. We cover it all, from the latest and trendiest baby names, in the US and all over the world, to advice for moms in the workplace, or mom to mom advice on balancing it all. Looking for an answer to a specific question you’ve have? Head over to our new answers section, where you can ask questions on a nearly endless amount of topics, and you’ll get answers fast – really fast. Mamas Uncut is more than just the place for moms, it’s the community of moms – all here to help, make friends, and more. Not sure where to start? Take a look at one of our key topic areas like Pregnancy or Relationships – if you’re looking for advice on a specific topic, there’s a pretty good chance that we’ve already written on it (a few times), or that it’s within our answers section. If you don’t have time to read the site every day, we also have a newsletter that you can control how often you want to receive – that way we send all of the must-see content for moms directly to your inbox – it’s that easy. So go ahead and take a look around, ask a question, or just keep reading, we’re glad you’re here.