A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says that her MIL is all up in her business in a way that feels very inappropriate. This MIL makes critical, insulting comments about her daughter-in-law’s house and mothering skills. She has told this mom that it is her responsibility to sexually satisfy her husband (aka the MIL’s son). She has pestered this mom about having more children. This mom doesn’t want to end the relationship with her mother-in-law, but she does need a change. How can she talk to her in a polite, productive way?
A member of the community asks:
“How can I nicely tell my mother-in-law to back off?”
“My husband and I have been married for five years and have gone through a lot. My mother-in-law continuously tells me how much a mess my house is, I’m starving my baby ( I’m not. She eats a lot lol), and how it’s my duty to fulfill my husband’s needs (sexually).
Our baby is only 2 1/2 months old, and pregnancy is super hard on my body for many medical reasons. She has now started telling me we need to think about when we are having our next one. How do I put her in her place without killing the relationship?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Politely Tell Her Mother-in-Law to Back Off and Stay Out of Her Family’s Business
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“He should be the one to put HIS mom in her place!! Not you!”
“Why is a MOTHER concerning herself with her son’s sex life? That’s just weird, sis. HE needs to check her, not you.”
“Start asking her if her husband is satisfied!”
“Look at her and say: ‘Was your mother-in-law really critical of you?'”
When people overstep their bounds, I like to answer their questions as directly as possible to make sure that they know their place. Something along the lines of, ‘I don’t really think it’s any of your concern when my husband and I have sex. And as his mother, I feel like it’s very awkward that you’re concerned so much about his sexual needs.’ And if she wants to know when you’re having another baby tell her, ‘this last pregnancy has really taken a toll on my body and I feel like it’s best that I let my body heal before trying to produce again. But if and when it does happen we will let you know.'”
“Be honest with her. Set healthy boundaries. Like, ‘I’m sorry I don’t feel comfortable talking about my sex life with you, it’s not personal, you’re just his mother.'”
“I had my husband tell her. I was stressed enough and he told me he would take care of it. Best feeling in the world knowing he had my back and she’s never brought it up again.”
“Just let her talk but don’t react. Don’t say a single thing. Pretend she isn’t there. She will get tired of not getting a reaction out of you. Just like when a child has a tantrum…. don’t react.”
“First of all, all of our houses were a mess when our babies were that little lmao. Secondly, ew, why is she putting her nose of your bedroom business. That’s totally inappropriate. If I was in your shoes I’d say, ‘I know you are trying to help but it’s not helping at all. It’s making me feel worse and I’d like for you to give us some space. I do not appreciate the fact that you criticize me in every aspect of my life. Especially what my husband and I do or don’t do in our private time. Thank you have a nice day.'”
“Unfortunately with a lot of people like this, there is no easy conversation. Just be blunt. ‘I don’t need your input on my life. It’s creepy that you are concerned about me fulfilling my husband’s sexual needs. I know what’s best for my child. Only my husband and I will be the ones decided if and when we have another child.'”
“Tell her how you feel… Use ‘I feel’ statements. Not ‘you do this and it bothers me,’ but instead, say ‘I feel really pressured or stressed when certain things are said. I feel judged or misunderstood etc. when you express your emotions.’ It may allow her to empathize or communicate better with you.”
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