A mom writes in asking for advice about a situation with her mother-in-law. She says that she, her partner, and their 6-month-old baby live with her partner’s mom (her MIL). According to this mom, the MIL refuses to call the baby by her actual name and will instead call her “everything but her name.” This MIL also offers a lot of unwanted opinions, advice, and judgment.
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A member of the community asks:
“I hate that my mother-in-law doesn’t call my daughter by her first name: Thoughts?
Me and my partner and our 6.5-month-old live with his mum. She’s at the age of knowing her name and we are trying to make an effort for her to recognize this. His mother insists on calling her everything but her name. This started when she was born and no matter how many times we’ve said to call her by her name she just doesn’t listen.
His mother also gives us an opinion on everything and decides to feed our little one food that we’ve asked her not to. We’re on the waiting list for a flat but with the obvious going on, we’re still waiting. I’ve tried being nice but I just don’t know how to handle it. It’s like she refuses to listen to anything we say and makes digs at our parenting style. How can I get her to understand that it’s up to us her parents to parent our child without being mean?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Refuses to Call Her Grandchild by Her Name
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“My MIL calls my son Moko-puna, that’s her culture’s word for grandson. His father calls him by what his name is in Maori but he still knows his name and he is 2, so I think you’re being a bit OTT. there. With the food, though, you have a right to be upset there and say something or even better get your man to step up and speak to his mother about it.”
“With the name-calling thing. I called my son TONS of nicknames and still do. But he’s always known he’s Ezekiel, and at 2 I’d ask him, ‘are u my boogs? Are u pipi?’ And he would always say, ‘NO I’m Ezekiel!’ Don’t stress that too much. The food thing bothers me the most but a grandma will be a grandma.”
“That’s not unusual for living with families especially in their home, just from experience.”
“Tell her point blank “we are her parents and we make the rules for her, do not feed her this food (whatever you don’t want her eating) and her name is (insert name) she needs to learn it.”
“I’ve been there. It’s hard to live with in-laws, especially the MIL. There can’t be to hens in the house. I’m sure she means no harm by it. If talking to her about it doesn’t resolve it, being frustrated is just going to eat at you. Just let it slide and keep searching for a place to go. Just remember they are helping you out as well. I’m sure there are things that bother her that she’s not bringing up. I had to put up with my MIL dropping my oldest son off at preschool with cookies for breakfast for a long while. I had no idea till I dropped him off one morning and his teacher told me. Lol.”
“Have your husband say something to his mom and, in the meantime, parent the way you are gonna parent. If MIL gets too much, just keep space and go about your business and let your husband know she raised her child/children you will now raise yours.”
“IIt’s not being mean. It’s your child she should respect you and your child by fallowing your wishes. As long as they aren’t crazy outrageous. She’s raised her children she should allow you to raise yours as you see fit.”
“She’s a grandma, get over it. That’s what they do. She’s not trying to disrespect you; that’s just a grandma thing.”
“Also, if she cant stop feeing your baby foods you don’t want baby to eat, tell her that she should not be feeding her at all. If she can’t respect that, tell her that you or your spouse will manage that on your own.”
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