A mom writes in asking for advice about her mother-in-law. She says her MIL expects to be waited upon whenever she is in her home. She sits back, watches her daughter-in-law do everything — cooking, cleaning up, etc. — and in general makes no effort to help. This mom is fed up and feeling like she’d rather not have her MIL over at all if this is how she’s going to act. Read advice for her below.
A member of the community asks:
“My mother-in-law expects to be waited upon hand-and-foot when she comes to my house: Advice?
How do I deal with my MIL expecting to be waited upon hand-and-foot at my house at all times? Every time we have them over she sits back, relaxes, and waits to be called to the table for dinner. We prepare the food, set the table all while she sits back and watches. Once dinner is finished, she, again, sits back, plays with my daughter, and allows us to clear her plate and do the dishes all without lifting a finger. I just don’t know how to get the point across that this is not a hotel and I would rather not host you at all than be treated this way. Send help!”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Mother-in-Law Expects to Be Waited Upon Hand-and-Foot
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I could see how it would be annoying but at the same time, she is your guest. I’m pretty sure one more place setting isn’t really that much to clean up. maybe your husband should pitch in and help clean up a little bit more than your mother-in-law if you feel like you’re doing it all.”
“If she lived there, I could see the frustration kinda… but she’s your guest. Do you expect your friends who are guests to cook, clean, or otherwise act as if they’re hosting themselves? Probably not. So why is she different? Sounds like a normal visit from grandma… she plays with her granddaughter and is the guest in your home…”
“Well, when I have guests at my house, I don’t expect them to do anything. Especially our parents. What do you expect them to do everything while you sit there?”
“So, just a thought, but does she possibly feel like she would be stepping on your toes if she helped? Perhaps she is being overly sensitive to the fact that it is your home, not hers, which means it’s your kitchen and she doesn’t want to get in the way? And if you invite someone over as a guest, don’t expect them to work. It’s not really how it works. Is it nice when people offer to help? Sure, but it’s not a requirement when invited to another person’s house.”
“I see everyone talking about her being your guest. In my house growing up, you were only a guest once. If you’re over all the time, I’m not waiting on you. but then again, I’m also the person that goes to other people’s houses and helps them cook and clean up afterward.”
“When you have other guests over do you expect them to clean up? Why can’t she just be the gramma that comes over and gets to have someone wait on her and enjoy her granddaughter? Does anybody else ever do that for her without expecting anything in return? You sound spoiled.”
“MIL or not, she’s a guest in your house, and your elder. What makes you think she has to clean?”
“Isn’t that the point?! She raised her kid (aka your husband) so now she should get to sit back & enjoy her grandchild… pay respect to elders & to the mother of your husband.”
“My goodness! How things have changed. For heaven’s sake, she is a guest in your home…and most importantly, your children’s grandma. Just let her be!”
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