A mom writes in concerned because her son doesn’t want to go to school since winter break was over. She mentions that in the last 3 years, they have gone through a separation and a big move.
A Community Member asks:
“I have a six-year-old boy, an only child. His father and I separated three years ago; I now live with my current partner, and just last year, we moved an hour away from my son’s dad’s house. His father still sees him three days of the week(which I think is a lot) Just giving a background story So my son is in 1st grade started the school year normally in August, but ever since they had their winter break (two weeks), he has been struggling to go back to school.
He cries and gets so anxious with just the thought of school. He bites his nails doesn’t give a reason for not wanting to go. It doesn’t seem like he has a bullying problem either. He literally will not budge from his car seat when I attempt to take him. I’ve tried to remove him forcefully, but don’t try too hard because I don’t want CPS called on me. Did any of you experience this? Any suggestions?“
Community For The Mom Worried About Her Son’s Recent Reluctance To Go To School
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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Advice Summary
The community had some very good comments on possible reasons that he could not want to go to school. It could just be a simple case of getting into the routine again. You can read some of the responses below.
“I had this problem, and my child was being bullied. The teachers didn’t do anything about it, so I changed his class. He loves school now and is mad if he’s sick and can’t go.”
“I experienced this with 2 of the 3 I have….for my boys it was all a matter of getting them back into the groove of school again. If it continues I would make an appointment for him. There may be something that is causing him anxiety that he doesn’t understand yet due to his age.“
“I am a school nurse. My suggestion is to meet with the teacher, administrators, and a school counselor, social worker or psychologist so you can see if maybe something happened that you don’t know about and maybe they will have a good idea to get him into school without added trauma to him. Good luck momma!”
“I see a lot of people saying it’s him. Behavioral and getting back in the groove, etc. I had this problem and it was the teacher herself! Not saying it is always the teacher but I would definitely check up on it. The teachers now days aren’t the best. Given there are a few but most nowadays are not that great.”
“Sometimes it’s the teacher. Sometimes it’s the kid. Every time we had a teacher my son didn’t jive with, or vice versa it was like pulling teeth. But when he got good teachers going was no problem.“
“Maybe speak to the school counselor, maybe they can talk to him and see if there are some underlying issues that can be resolved. He may be anxious about a subject he’s struggling with, could feel insecure about something but not know how to verbalize. I hope it’s something little that can be fixed.“
“My niece had the hardest time! She cried every day with separation anxiety! It was so sad but my sister had to make her go!! After about the middle mark of school, she was good! It was a very long hard sad road!!“
Final Thoughts
It sounds like it could separation anxiety. This can happen when major events happen. Moving is a major event in life and this can contribute to anxiety. I know that my son when he was 6-years-old had a very difficult time after we moved from the only house he knew. I had to find a way to make it easier for him. I would do things like rewarding him for going to school without complaining or crying and this helped most of the time. We did still have a few bad days but overall it worked well. The community mentioned quite a few possible causes and personal experiences.
It was mentioned that it is very hard to get back into the swing of things and I think this can be true for many kids. If this is the case then given a little more time and he should adjust. It was also mentioned that maybe it is the teacher or some other person that has caused him to feel uncomfortable. It could also be the time of day that made it hard. If it is possible to change the time of day he attends that could work.
In many cases, you can’t really do anything but stick it out. Time and age will help. Hopefully, you can find some ideas and encouragement from the group to help make this time a little easier to bear.
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