A worried mom writes in looking for help. Her ex-boyfriend and his family took her son and won’t give him back. She is looking for advice on how to get her son back from her ex-boyfriend.
“I have a 13-month-old son with my now ex-boyfriend, we don’t have any custody arrangements or family court orders. I’ve been away for almost two weeks for a family business while my son was with his father. I’m back home to collect my son and they won’t hand my kid back to me! I am a full carer for my son, and I do have a 100% custody until they take me to court, my son’s father’s family are always involved and telling my son’s father to keep him away from me. The cops are involved as I and my son’s father have a DVO order against each other! Please need advice on what to do. Please no negative comments.“
The advice for the mom whose ex-boyfriend took her son was from the personal experience of many members. You can read some of the responses below.
“Go to Courthouse and file emergency custody tomorrow. Do NOT tell him you’re going to do it. Don’t tell him anything! If you have proof or documents showing you’re the sole provider or he’s not been around much until now, take it. Take everything you can as proof of his absence, excuses, including texts, etc. They’ll be able to tell you more of what you need to do. But DO NOT tell anyone that may get it back to him. You don’t want him having a heads-up.“
“Take him to court ASAP!!! As of right now (depending on what state you’re in) since there is no agreement he has just as many rights as you! So take him to court and prove him unfit and that your child belongs home with you! I’m not going to judge you for leaving for 2 weeks I just got back from being gone for 2 weeks myself, I spent time with my man/child’s father while he was working in NY. Just take him to court and go from there. I’m sorry you have to go through this. I couldn’t imagine.”
“Depending on where you live unless there’s a court order he’s not legally obligated to give him back. He has just as many rights as you do. And the court will look at you since you left him for two weeks…. it sucks but you can go file for emergency custody if you want your son back.“
“From what my lawyer told me if both parents are on the BC you both have equal custody until a court determined otherwise. So he technically is within his rights to not give him back. Just as much as you’re the mother, he is the father. He belongs to both of you, not just you.“
“The cops will not remove a child from either PARENT, that being said, when you know your son is there alone with grandpa or grandma or the girlfriend, go get your son! If they will not give him to you, the police will take him from them. Only the dad can keep him. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. I have been in your shoes!“
“I live in Indiana. This happened to me in 2008. Until there’s a court order whoever has the child has custody. What you have to do is kidnap your own child back. When he goes to work whoever he leaves him with call the cops and have them meet you there. Have the birth certificate, pictures, and their favorite toy. I had to wait almost 2 weeks to do it so he wouldn’t suspect it. His mom was pissed but she had to give him to me with his father not there.“
Final Thoughts
This is a hard one. Every state has different custody laws, so talking to a lawyer in your state to learn your rights is the first thing I would suggest. Most lawyers will give you legal advice without any payment. Many times without payment at all you can get the information you need to help yourself to the next step. When it comes to unmarried parents, the law is a little different.
Many of the moms that commented were very helpful but again because the laws of every state are different you can’t really get the proper advice except from a lawyer in the state you live in. You can also check online for your state custody laws that might help guide you. I hope you are able to get the help you need both from an emotional standpoint and a legal standpoint.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.Â
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