A stay at home Mom is asking for advice on whether she can ask the courts for alimony. Her and her husband of 10 years are separating. She hasn’t worked in a while so has absolutely no income at the moment.
A Community Member asks:
“I want to ask the group an anonymous question, please. I have been a stay at home mom for the past six years. I have been with my husband for like 17 years and married for ten years. He and I will be separating, but I have no source of income. My husband has been the provider since I became a stay at home mom. Can I ask the court for him to pay alimony?
I realize it’s different from state to state, and I live in Virginia. I know I will need to get a job; that’s not an issue. But as of right now, I don’t have any income. I’m emotionally drained and have never been through this before. Any advice or good vibes would be greatly appreciated.”
Community Advice for the Stay-at-Home Mom Who Is Separating from Her Husband Asking if She Can Get Alimony After 10 Years of Marriage
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members advised this stay-at-home mom to call a lawyer and find out her rights. You can read some of their responses below.
“Ask a lawyer but a general rule of thumb is spousal support often set for 50% the length of the marriage.”
“Get a free consultation from a lawyer. Separating is not divorcing. Laws are different for each situation.“
“If he is leaving you then yes you can get alimony. You need to get a lawyer. Go on google there is a number you can call they will give you a lawyer since you have no income. So you can get child support and maybe half of everything.“
“You have the right as his wife and Natural mother of his children to petition for it. You must be able to prove you had full-time employment before the decision for YOU to give up you’re income to raise the children.”
“If Virginia has alimony, maybe. But you need to be divorced. Legal separation and divorce or not the same thing. You’ll need to get a family attorney/divorce attorney. Just because you were married, stay at home mom, etc doesn’t mean you will. If you are leaving him? No, you won’t. If he was leaving you, yes you might. You also need to prove that you worked before the marriage took place (past tax returns would be the best documents).“
“Honestly…get a lawyer but also find a job. Seriously I was you and the best thing I did was to get a job and not depend on my ex financially.“
“It says based on your state’s laws. 1 year paid for every 3 married. Since you were married for 10 years, you’ll only get 3 years & 4 months paid. IF you get it. They do not count any years previous to that.“
The overall advice is to contact a lawyer. Your rights are different depending on the state you live in, whether you are divorced or legally separating, and who left who. With all the responses it sounds like it is very possible but there no guarantees.
Another overwhelming response was to get a job as quickly as you can even if you do get alimony because you don’t want to be depending on him. I have to agree with this because you don’t want to give him unnecessary power that could end up hurting you later on. By making yourself self-reliant, this keeps the ball in your court.
Hopefully, with the community advice and responses, you can take the steps needed to establish yourself and get on your feet.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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