I Think My Husband Has Been Secretly Planning a Divorce, How Do You Know When It’s Time to End a Marriage?

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QUESTION: How do you know when it’s time to end a marriage?

“My husband is military, and I had a kid from a previous marriage, so our entire marriage has been stressful on top of me coming up pregnant on month one. We have been married for five years; I found out my husband was planning a custody case behind my back with his sister. And also talking major crap about me to this same sister.

I deal with major stress, panic attacks, and depression. He’s deployed now and found out he has secret bank accounts and P.O. Boxes. Now, my husband says he was just mad and he doesn’t want a divorce after planning one for over a year, but still is hiding money. But I’m having a problem of letting everything I know now go? Do I work on the marriage or do I walk away?”

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I Think My Husband Has a Secret Life, How Do You Know When It's Time to End a Marriage?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“Leave and make sure you get everything you can to prove he has that money (document proof). My husband did the same thing to me and I believed him. Trust me it’s awful when the truth comes out and you have nothing.”

“H*ll to the no, too much secrecy. Your husband is a grown man and you are his wife. He needs to step up and tell you how he feels. If he can’t, why should you return the favor by staying. More issues will arise, better to end if you ask me.”

“Every marriage, unless there’s domestic violence involved, should at least be talked about openly between both partners. That way you know you gave it all you could and you tried. If after you guys talk and BOTH get your feelings out in a healthy way, and things still don’t seem to be working out, then do what you feel needs to be done for yours and your child’s best interest. These kinds of situations are always so hard. But communication is key. If you’re already at a point where you can’t communicate without everything getting worse, then maybe it is time to leave that relationship. Best of luck to you, mama. Sending prayers and good vibes your way.”

“He’s been planning this for a year, honey. Your husband is going to leave you no matter what. Get a lawyer ASAP with all the info you got on him, any bank accounts he has, life insurance policies, retirement savings, anything. Put money away for you and your children, enough to be able to afford your own place, and seek professional help with your mental health, so they cant use it against you when it comes to a custody battle because it will.”

“Walk away, and don’t look back. Go get custody and be done.”

“Walk away!! He’s already planning on leaving you. You need to protect yourself and your kids.”

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