My in laws try to over parent my husband and I: Advice?

I need advice on in-laws. My in-laws are amazing people, but when it comes to their grandson, they will do whatever he wants regardless of what my husband and I think of it. My father-in-law will say out loud as he does something. “I know mom said no, but I don’t care.” It’s always said as a joke, but my son is 18 months old, and I don’t want that to become the standard. Overall it’s not a big issue, but right now, my son is going through a phase where he is throwing food at meals, throwing fits because he thinks it’ll get him what he wants, etc. and my father-in-law just feeds into it. If my son throws something on the floor and my husband and I are telling him no, my father-in-law is laughing and throwing stuff too. I’m at a loss. I know he doesn’t mean harm by it, but it’s not helping, and my son thinks it’s funny. We see them minimum every Saturday for the afternoon/evening, and the behavior is something my son is bringing home with him.

76 thoughts on “My in laws try to over parent my husband and I: Advice?”

  1. Correct it now because they will never care about what y’all have to say and will think your opinion is irrelevant because they can do what they want regardless

  2. No more visits unless they take a back seat. They need to allow you two to parent. I’ve been shit talked by my inlaws about my decisions with our daughter, until I spoke tf up and told them I don’t care about their shitty opinions. If they can’t respect me as a mother, then they don’t need to come around.

  3. Set boundaries with the in-laws explain to them it’s fine to be grandparents and indulge once and awhile but teaching your child that behavior is not ok and ask them to stop if they don’t take you seriously skip the visit untill they are ready to be adults

  4. It sounds like an adult conversation is in order. I think I ask them how they would have felt if someone had over-reached and taught their children bad behavior when they were toddlers and babies.

  5. My parents let my two year old get away with things I wouldn’t. Grandparents will be grandparents… Just make sure they aren’t being disrespectful to you. Besides, the kid is only 18months old. Can’t be too tough on the little guy. It’s not like he’s 3 years old

  6. You and your husband need to be as direct as necessary to set those boundaries. That kind of behavior you mentioned is just not acceptable. It’s also a sign that your child is doing to get attention, which signals other issues too..

  7. Okay. First keep in mind that grandparents are supposed to be fun. BUT- there is a difference in having fun and ignoring parents’ limits. I dealt with this with my own mother. Perhaps a very serious conversation about how your child needs consistency to learn limits and that includes grandparents being consistent. Maybe talk about what you’re willing to let slide and what you won’t let slide and let them know that you want them involved but thay involvement must have a consistency component involved in terms if setting limits.

  8. I’m going at this from both perspectives. The father in law is older and raised his children and life has slowed down for him. Hes thoroughly enjoying his grandson and sees that not everything has to be so by the book etc. And that’s precious honestly. Your son is very lucky.

    On the other hand I completely understand why you dont like that. I would tell your husband to please say something next time a comment like that is made. Or you can kindly just be like “ooooohhh no. Maybe you dont mind the mess in your house but I cant have him doing this all the time. Mom says no”

    Granted at 18 months old they dont really understand the whole listen to me concept yet lol.

    Dont be too harsh on grandpa.

  9. If they don’t follow your rules you don’t have to be around them that’s actually really disrespectful say I know mom said no but I don’t care. We don’t do things with my husband’s grandfather be cause we said that he couldn’t drive with our baby on the electric cart so what does he do he goes to move with our baby and when I went to take my child he was all no it’s ok. It is not ok for people to not follow your rules for YOUR CHILD.

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