Trigger Warning: This post contains potentially sensitive content pertaining to domestic violence.
A sister writes in looking for some advice on if she should continue supporting her sister in this toxic relationship she keeps getting into.
A Community Member asks:
“My sister was in a horrible relationship. He got her into drugs and drinking. She lost her girls; she lost everything. She got help and has been doing so so much better. She has now informed all of us that she was back with this man. He proposed to her, and she said yes.
This man has beat her, drugged her and taken the money, and paid men to have sex with her. He has put her in the hospital and left her stranded hours away from home or anywhere close for us to rescue her. I don’t know if I can go a second round with this. She just got visitation with her girls again. I’m at a loss at what to do. Part of me says to tell her I can’t be there this time around.
But part of me is terrified that when he does beat her again and shes stranded beaten and bloodied she won’t call me to come to get her. I know this will end very badly. It never gets better; it only gets worse. Please help with advice. it’s her choice and her freedom to choose who she is with, but I don’t know if I can sit through another ER visit because he’s beaten her so bad or drugged her so bad. What do I do? Sincerely, a very concerned sister.”
Community Advice for the Sister Who Is Worried About the Abusive Relationship Her Sister Keeps Going Back To
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this sister in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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The community gave this sister very good advice on how to handle this difficult situation. You can read some of their comments below.
“Oi vey, you’re exactly right- it is sadly her choice to be in this relationship, and she may need to hit her own personal rock bottom before she gets out permanently. Just like in an intervention- tell her exactly what you told us. Tell her what her choices have done to your family, to her own kids. Give her the ultimatum and then stick to it. Tell her to get help or you will walk away. And then do just that. She will reach out if she’s ever ready. I’m sorry you have to watch her spiral… just know you can’t fix this.”
“Try showing her that she’s better off. She got herself clean, sees her kids now and did it without him. It’s such a hard spot you’re in. Just keep letting her know you love her but you do not support her. If he’s using drugs in a home they live in, call the cops and get him in trouble for possession! Do anything you can to make her realize he is trouble.“
“She’s in a drug-dependent relationship. Nothing you say will help. My brother is the dude in this scenario. She will need to realize it for herself.“
“Normally I’d say once she’s lost everything or is close to losing everything she’ll see how toxic the relationship is and leave him. However, she’s already lost everything and still took him back and agreed to marry him. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do now is to be there for your nieces and pray for her to realize how bad her situation is on her own.”
“If losing her children didn’t open her eyes then, unfortunately, nothing you say or do will. I would keep my distance so there’s minimal impact on your kids/family and you mentally, it’s very hard watching…yet let her know how you feel and that your there when she needs you. When she does (hopefully) wake up and want out, she will need a strong support system. Good luck!!“
The advice given by the community members: I don’t think I could say it better. There isn’t much you can do or say that you haven’t already said. There isn’t anything for her to lose other than what she has already lost. There isn’t anything he can do that he hasn’t already done except take her life, literally. Unless she sees this, unless she is determined to not look back, she will continue down this road.
The hardest part of being a sister is when you can’t help and make things better. It will be hard to make some of the steps that were mentioned above by the community, but it needs to be done. Whatever you decide just be determined. You have to believe that whatever you are doing is for her best interest. You might want to look into group therapy for you and your family to help you know what to do and how to do it.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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