A mom writes in tired and looking for advice. She needs a date night but instead of her significant other taking her he ends up taking and old co-worker.
“Ok, ladies, I know this sounds absolutely pathetic, but I’m seriously lonely. I have a significant other and three kids in the home. The youngest I’m still breastfeeding, and he’s almost 17 months. I constantly make it known to my SO that I want to go out on a date. A DATE. That’s not ridiculous, right? I’m working on getting an amazing job from the education that I’ve obtained, but the process is long, and it’s been costing us money.
We both know that it’ll be totally worth it, in the end, to have both sides earning good incomes. It’s just been very, very stressful. So the other night, I brought it up to him that I wanted to go on a date without kids (I know I’m so horrible). And then two days later, he runs into an old coworker and goes out for lunch with her, in the meantime I have my 17-month-old and getting all the necessary documents.
I need this job. I just wish he would have taken me on a lunch date, especially since I made it known that that’s what I wanted. Yes, I am the person that posted about the “former coworker” and the kissy face in the texts between the two. Is he not trying out of just being a man and not realizing, or does he really not care. I need time to.”
The community members were not very supportive and felt that she was being naive. You can read some of these responses below.
“That’s not okay. You might have to rethink if you want to be by his side of his actions are showing a lot.“
“So he went out on a lunch date with a chick he’s texting kissy faces with and you’re jealous he didn’t take you on a lunch date. I think you have more things to worry about.“
“Get the job then put money away in your own bank account, in fact, put all your money in your own bank account if he asks why, tell him you want to make sure if he won’t take you out you want to be sure he is not spending your money on some girl.“
“Please continue to get your job. My husband never goes to lunch with another female alone. I am assuming y’all are not married? Sorry but his behavior is totally unacceptable! I would get my ducks in a row and start making plans on a future without him. How involved do you think he will be with the kids if you leave? You need to start asking these questions.“
“I’d be on an episode of snapped or I almost got away with it. So disrespectful you know you have a gut feeling! He’s definitely cheating and I’d call said coworker and then confront him or I’d plan the most insane thing ever for revenge maybe make him believe your stupid as hell get all your ducks in a row and bounce out when he’s at work with massive Bill’s pilled up that he didn’t know about making sure they are all in his name. Seems like the only way to hurt a man is through their wallet. Good luck but I’d definitely ditch that idiot.”
“I would just play it cool until you get that amazing job you’re trying to get don’t ask him no more act like nothing bothers you then once you got your income straightened out leave.“
“He’s not worried about your feeling not sure if it because he doesn’t feel like his all validated or if he’s just doesn’t care. Either way, I’ve been their mine was cheating. Good luck.”
Final Thoughts
To start, I just have to say that you are not horrible for needing time away from the kids. Even when we are doing something we love, we still need a break from it once in a while. It sounds like you are a very busy mom and on top of that, you are working on getting your job. You could definitely use a date night out.
It might be good to make the plans ahead and let him know you have a sitter and that you made plans for you and him to go out on a date. It sounds like you have communicated to him how you feel, but I would keep telling him. Use every opportunity you can. If he still won’t take you, then make plans to take yourself out on a girl’s night or just even alone if that’s all you can do. Whatever you choose just know that it is definitely not wrong for you to want to go out without kids.
Many have said that they fear he is cheating. If that is the case you definitely need to decide if you want to continue with your relationship. I wish you well and hope you get your night out. You deserve it!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.Â
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