A mom writes in looking for advice on how to handle the situation where her step-grandmother tells her son to call her “Lala.” The relationship is not good and she doesn’t want him calling her by the name she asks to be called.
A Community Member asks:
“How do you address people talking your child to call something you do not approve of? Long story short, my stepmoms, mother, is making my son call her LaLa. She is not a nice woman and does not like my husband or my self. I don’t like that my son is forced to call her something. But I don’t know how to put it nicely.”
Community Advice for the Mom That Doesn’t Like What Her Step-Mother’s Mother Tells Her Son to Call Her
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Read some of the community’s responses below:
“Your child, your rules. However, this is a great teaching moment for you. You can be hateful and your son pick up on that, or take the old lady to the side (whether she likes you or not) and tell her what’s up! Your son, if YOU don’t want him to address someone that way. Change it. Just don’t do it in front of your son. I mean they already don’t like you so if they bash you because you stand up for yourself, and your rules, that says more about them than you. Good luck momma don’t back down.. do it with class and tact.”
“I’m not that nice of a person when it comes to people I don’t like. I always tell them my children will call them what they (my kids) want to and if they don’t like it they can just stay away from my kids. Like I said I’m not a nice person unless I like you. Just tell her she doesn’t get a say on what he calls her.”
“Omg, why is this an issue? It’s a name and if you’re going to involve her in your child’s life I don’t see a problem with a name. My daughter has a GiGi, a MiMi, a Grampy, a grandma, and a grandpa. Find something more important to worry about.“
“What do you call her? If she’s gonna be around him at all, she kinda has to be called something. “She who shall not be named” just doesn’t work these days.“
“Being a child that was forced to call a grandparent something and got in trouble when I didn’t… this is not ok. I’ve made it clear to all grandparents/great grandparents that we will call you what you’d like (nana vs grandma) but my child isn’t to be forced or get in trouble for calling them something else.”
“REALLY? The pettiness we have seen come out in the last 3 years and before is just ridiculous. It isn’t the mom that should tell the grandma what the great-grandma should call them. Stop the pettiness…. worry about real problematic issues…. this is nothing.“
I love the thought that this presents a perfect teaching moment. Many times we have to take the higher ground, be the better person. There are going to be many occasions that your son will have to address someone he doesn’t like, or that may not deserve to be respected and yet we should show a certain amount of respect anyway. You can use this opportunity to show him that because she is an adult, he needs to show respect.
I would find a respectful name that he can call her that you are okay with and you let her know that is what he will refer to her as. Or to avoid any more confrontation, you can just call her by the name she wants to be called. If you aren’t around her too often, then it shouldn’t be much of an issue.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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