Needing advice on how to handle my 3-year-olds tantrums: Advice?

Hey, mamas, so I decided to try something new with my 3yr old. He has been getting in trouble at daycare a lot. He hasn’t been listening, and he’s hitting and punching other kids. He gets very frustrated very easily, and he doesn’t listen at home. He will just act like he doesn’t hear us, or if we ask him to do something, he tells us to do it instead. He back talks non stop and screams at us. Now before I get judged, I believe In spankings and timeouts. Timeouts do not work, and spankings do not work as well sometimes. So I decided to start a behavior board with stars to where when he does what we ask without fuss or listens to us and keeps his hands to himself he gets star for each, and if he has 5 stars by the end of the week he gets a small prize and if he has 10 by the end of the week he gets something more like going out for ice cream . Does anybody else have any suggestions? Before anybody wants to mention a therapist, I do believe he has gotten my anxiety problems, but I believe he needs more interactions and more ways to calm himself down.

61 thoughts on “Needing advice on how to handle my 3-year-olds tantrums: Advice?”

    1. Soap is toxic, which is why people are freaking out on you, btw. It was linked to digestive issues and cases of pulminary aspiration. People have actually had children permanently removed from their homes for using that as a form of punishment. Even “non-toxic” soap can lead to digestive distress and should not be ingested.

  1. I have a 3 year old and he Is very similar. Minus the hitting. I’ve started putting him in his room and shutting the door for time out. He threw a fit and threw a couple of toys. I took them and out them in the trash. He still gets time out but he doesnt throw his stuff anymore. Spanking does nothing for my child. Time out in his room works the best for me so far. And if hes bad at daycare I dont let him turn the tv on. If it’s really bad I take something he loves away from him as a consequence.

  2. Don’t give him the option of yes or no… Say “would you like to do it before or after dinner”…Also.. Remind him we don’t says no, it’s no thank you ????

  3. We do time outs but we call them breaks when my children are having melt downs or not listening we will ask them if they need to take a break at first they didnt want to and we’d say something like I think you should go take a break for a few mins and calm yourself down and think and now when we ask them if they need to take a break they will say yes or no or if they’re being bad like hitting or mouthy or bad words I tell them they need to go take a break which is a time out and think about what they were doing why they were doing it and if that behavior is appropriate or how they responded to something negative when their time is up I ask them why they were taking a break and they tell me and I ask them if it’s appropriate behavior do we act that way what should they of done or why they were upset or what caused the behavior or melt down etc we use the time they sit as how old they are like a 3 yr old sits 3 min 13 yr old 13 mins etc but time doesnt start until they are sitting and quiet and if they get up or are talking time starts over I use a timer and set it so they can see the time count down so they know how long they have and when it beeps or rings they know to get up and bring me the timer and if theres more then one child taking a break I use multiple timers one for each child

  4. 1.) The staff should be paying attention to key signs for kids having outbursts like this.(they should be using redirection)
    2.) Small children don’t know how to control their feelings.
    3.) DIY calming bottle.
    Water bottle, super glue, water and glitter….
    4.) Instead of a time out make a small area that he can reflect on his feelings.
    5.) Don’t ask you tell, and when doing so you give him 2 choices (with them both being in your favor).
    6.) No time outs…send/bring him to his room.
    7.) Constancy is key.
    8.) I know it’s rough BUT when he gets in trouble at daycare and then at home for misbehaving at daycare (unless you have to go get him)…. it’s too long of a time period. At that age. It doesn’t connect.
    9.) You and whomever the main caregivers for him need to all be on the same page.
    10.) Once you notice what sets him off or signs of bad behavior on it’s way, remove him from the situation and or use redirection.

  5. I would take things away. Also, put his treats where he can see it. I would also put the same thing at school in his class. That way, he can see what he is working for. It can be something small, like hot wheels, etc…

  6. I always did charts like that with my kids when they were young out worked amazing.Except I had a treasure box where they could pick a toy or they could go to dollar tree and get a few things but you can have the reward be going somewhere. But with that being said at 3 also if their melt downs were crazy id have them sit in their bed till they calmed down and could talk normally. When they were done I’d explain why what they did was wrong and hug them tell them i loved them and start over. Every child has issued at 3 they ate growing and learning and will test their limits.Doesn’t mean you need to hit them. Hitting only teaches them hitting is how to solve things.

  7. Agreed. Talk to the doctor. Mine had a lot of symptoms like this and turns out she has ASD causing her outburst because her senses are too overloaded and overwhelmed. It’s also frustrating for the child when they may not understand what’s going on and can’t give and feedback to parent.

  8. I have 5 kids. My 4th is like this. I tried every technique listed here, with no success. I only had this issue with him.

    I believe his behaviour came from (our) lack of understanding – he was the slowest to become articulate of all the kids.

    The only technique that worked with him, was an egg-timer technique that his teacher adopted at school. She used a teepee (in the class – he is 5 and this is his first year at school) left open, where he could chill while the rest of the class did what they were supposed to. Once the egg-timer went off, they would sit and discuss. It saved frustrations. He needed the calm down time. And eventually learnt to be calm by the end of the timer.

    It’s not a technique I had ever heard of, nor would I proactively use – however. It has worked for him.

    The biggest issue, I think, was we weren’t spending enough time to make sure to understand what he was trying to say, and that we often assumed the rest of any answer as, that’s what was easiest for us.

    Within the first week of school, I could see my boy was going to be a class bully. By the end of the year he has changed to the exact opposite and instead of hitting you, will give you a hug, or tell you he thinks you’re amazing. Oh, and he talks about his teacher like she is an absolute god. He loves her!

    Worth a try, Good Luck ❣️

  9. The star chart is exactly how I helped my child, punishments didn’t work at all, and backfired. I would have had to literally beat her to the point of abuse and I was not willing to do that. Rewards took some time but it worked. Say no once to the bad behavior but dont give it any attention (even negative attention is attention) and abundantly praise and make a big deal out of good behavior.

  10. I used to watch nanny 911 ALOT. and I used their techniques on my neice and they worked amazingly. They recommended talking to them, but to understand them you need to get on their level. So try a sit down and ask the basic questions, are you mad, are you sad, do you feel left out, etc. Sometimes they will open up and tell you the reason they are acting out.

  11. My son had the same issues. We started weekly counseling and they taught him so techniques that help. They said at that age its hard to verbalize what’s wrong. They just don’t have the emotional understanding. Time definitely helps.

  12. My sisters son was always labeled as bad and out of control and defiant. Turns out he is on the autistic spectrum. Has trouble understanding, expressing himself, following directions, running away etc. It’s been a pattern though with absolutely no improvement with therapy and different dicipline techniques but it really makes sense now that they have diagnosed him.

    1. Loretta Habighorst not every child acts like this because they get what they want . Some kids just have issues with understanding how to control their frustration . Should never assume a child is spoiled if not living in the house with them

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