A new mom writes in with a question: When did other mothers notice their boyfriends, husbands, or partners start helping out with taking care of a new baby? This exhausted mom says her fiancé is no help at all with their 8-month-old baby. “I do almost everything all the time,” she says. She wants advice from other moms who’ve lived through similar situations.
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A member of the community asks:
“When did your man help with taking care of the baby?
Hey, mommas, I got a question? How long did it take for your boyfriends/fiances/ husbands to help with the babies? Like changing diapers and putting the baby to sleep. My fiancé makes me feel like everything is more important to him than me and his daughter, who is eight months old. I do almost everything all the time.
Some days I get so tired that I can’t get up in the middle of the night when she cries, and I know for a fact he never hears her cry. I just need some advice, no negativity, please!“
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This New Mom Who Wants to Know How Long It Takes for a Partner to Step Up and Help with Parenting Duties
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this new mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered a range of opinions and insights on this topic.
“My husband has done everything from day one, minute one,” said one commenter. “He goes to be with them when I’m still getting stitched up in my C-section. He was great afterward too while I was recovering. We made the babies together and we take care of them together.”
Another said, “For a lot of guys, especially if it’s their first baby, helping out with the baby is not instinctual. Women have a natural nurturing instinct. Guys have more of a hunter-gatherer instinct. I don’t mean to sound sexist or anything. I’m not being offensive just giving observation from my own experience. My hubby had to learn how to take care of a baby. I had to take the time to teach him what a baby wants. Plus criticizing how he does things always discouraged him from helping. Guys need to find their own way of doing things. It’s okay if it’s not how I did things. Easy to say but hard to do.”
One commenter said it took her husband 2.5 years to really get the hang of things and step up.
Another offered some suggestions for getting this new mom’s fiancé to learn more efficiently:
“Compliments… positive reinforcement. Tell him how good he is doing when he interacts with her. Most men are afraid of a baby that tiny. Also, just make other plans where you can’t take the baby for a couple of hours and just leave her with him. It will work itself out.”
In the end, it seems some men step up right away, while it takes others years to get there. It’s something that can be worked through, though, with communication.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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