31 New Year’s Jokes That Will Have the Whole Family Laughing

With New Year’s Eve right around the corner, it’s time for one more celebration this holiday season. New Year’s Day is a time for reflection and an opportunity to look to the promise of tomorrow. Many people make resolutions to improve themselves in the coming year. It’s also a time for fresh starts, and many of us look forward to a year filled with more laughs, fun, and joy than the last. That’s where New Year’s jokes come in. These punny, silly, and otherwise ridiculous jokes kick off the New Year with a giggle.

Share these jokes with your kids, throw one in an email, use as social media captions, or simply tell them to the folks you’re celebrating with. Put them to good use however you see fit. Now, let’s laugh!

The Failure

Why is the person who plans the Time’s Square celebration on New Year’s a failure? They always drop the ball.

The Math Teacher

Where did the math teacher hang out on New Year’s Eve? Times Square.

The Cow’s Favorite

What’s a cow’s favorite night of the year? Moo Year’s Eve.

The Good Advice

What should people never eat on New Year’s Eve? Fire… crackers.

The Sugar

Why did someone sprinkle sugar on their pillow on New Year’s Eve? They wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.

The Dad Joke

What did Dad say at 11:59 on New Year’s Eve? I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.

The Caterpillar’s Resolution

What was the caterpillar’s New Year’s resolution? To turn over a new leaf.

The Spice

Where did the chef celebrate New Year’s? Thyme’s Square.

The Good Intentions

Why did the lady start making breakfast at 11:59 p.m. on December 31? She wanted a New Year’s toast.

The Migration

Why do birds fly south for New Year’s Eve? It’s too far to walk.

The Jeweler

Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? To ring in the new year.

The Haunting

What does a ghost say on January 1st? “Happy Boo Year!”

The Auld Lang Syne

What do you call someone who says they know all the words to “Auld Lang Syne?” A liar.

The Shoplifter

What happened to the woman who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve? She got 12 months!

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The Arrests

What happened when an iPhone and a firework were arrested on NYE? One was charged, and the other was let off.

The Resolution, Explained

What is a New Year’s resolution? Something that goes in one year and out the other.

The Jogger

What’s the problem with jogging on New Year’s Eve? You’ll spill your punch all over.

The Haters

What’s the one group that hates New Year’s Day? The New Year’s Even clean-up crew.

The Abby

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby New Year.

The Left Foot

Why should you stand on your left foot during the NYE countdown? So you can start the New Year on the right foot.

The Excitement

Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown? Calendar makers.

The Comedians

Where can you find comedians on New Year’s Eve? Waiting for the punchline.

The Field

What does a field grow on Jan. 1? New Year’s hay.

The Success

What New Year’s resolution guarantees success? Making a resolution to break your resolution.

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The Dracula

Dracula passed out at midnight on New Year’s Eve. There was a count… down.

The Basketball Player

What New Year’s resolution should a basketball player never make? To travel more.

The Reader

What’s the easiest way to keep your New Year’s resolution to read more? Watch TV with subtitles.

The Champagne Bottle

What did the little champagne bottle call his father? Pop!

The Freezer

Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? To start off the new year in a cool way.

The Razor

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Razor. Razor who? Razor glass and toast the New Year.

The Santa Claus

What do New Year’s parades have in common with Santa Claus? No one is ever awake to see them.

There you go! We hope you found these New Year’s jokes as funny and entertaining as we did. Keep reading if you want even more funny business about the New Year. We’ve got some very funny memes about the New Year to share with you.

Best of Luck With That

“Good luck with your new year… ‘resolutions,'” this meme featuring Dr. Evil says. This is one of the best memes about the many of us who will make and then break our New Year’s resolutions. We feel seen.

Cool Idea…

“This New Year’s Eve, at around 11:55 PM, order a pizza for delivery. When it arrives, tell the driver, ‘I ordered this a year ago!” this New Year’s Eve meme says. Will you be giving this a try?

Cheers!

“This year, I resolved to drink less and go to the gym. I made it to the gym,” says this very funny New Year’s meme. At least she’s taking steps in the right direction.

What If?

“What if everyone actually has plans for New Year’s Eve, and they just wanna exclude me from them,” this meme says. It’s the meme version of being gobsmacked by a truth you just realized for yourself.

Good Night, Queen

“And now it’s that sad time of year when Mariah Carey must return to the ocean, only to re-emerge next Christmas,” this funny after-Christmas meme says. Will you miss her while she’s gone?

Never Change

“New year, same old me,” this grumpy cat New Year’s meme says. Cheers to the folks who keep it real and don’t mess around with any aspirations.

A Revelation

“Dude, New Year’s is like time’s birthday,” this half-baked New Year’s meme says. Maybe he is on to something.

Every Year

“I always thought the NY New Year’s Eve ball drop was lame. Every year it is reconfirmed,” this sad bear meme says. This meme is for all the NYE grinches of the world. It’s okay to be you.

Reality

“My friends tonight / Me tonight,” this New Year’s Eve meme says, imagining two different NYE experiences. Which one are you?

A Timeline

We find Baby Yoda doing some heavy lifting in this New Year’s meme that chronicles the minute leading up to, during, and after the clock strikes twelve. Does this look like you?

The NYE Boycott

“Boycott kissing men at midnight. It’s New Year’s Eve, not New Year’s Steve,” this very silly tweet says. We love when tweets like this go viral.

Plans

“Me during that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s where I don’t even know what day it is: Do you have a plan? I don’t even have a ‘pla,'” this very silly meme says with an assist from Friends. Can you relate?

Points Were Made

“There are literally NO rules saying your New Year’s resolutions can’t be for evil,” Ernie seems to say in this New Year’s meme. You can choose darkness or light. it’s up to you.

That Time of Year

“It’s almost time to repeat the whole ‘new year, new me’ thing,” this meme says. Who else can’t stand it?

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Parents on NYE

“When you’re trying to stay awake on New Year’s Eve, but you’re also a parent:” this meme’s caption reads. We are then treated to an image of Sleepy. We know a lot of parents can feel the exhaustion already.

Can’t Believe It

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person,” this New Year’s meme says, poking fun at the resolutions they did not keep. It’s okay. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Dads Will Do It

“Dads waiting for January 1st 0:01 so they can say ‘I haven’t seen you since last year,'” this New Year’s meme says. Dads just can’t get enough of this tired joke. Will they ever tire of it?

An NYE Wish for You

“May your New Year’s end with counting numbers backwards rather than reciting the alphabet backwards,” the meme says. It’s a great toast and a reminder to make smart choices.

You Gotta Start Somewhere

“My New Year’s resolutions are: 1. Stop Making lists. B. Be more consistent. 7. Learn to count,” this hilariously dumb meme says. Keep up the good work, meme makers!

The Watcher

Okay, this is hands down one of the best New Year’s memes we found. “January rent watching all your Christmas and New Year’s Eve plans,” the caption says. New Year’s Eve is all fun and games until you need to sign that rent check the next day.

Pro Tip:

“Parents, don’t forget to set your clocks ahead two hours on New Year’s Eve so you can pretend that you actually did stay up until midnight,” the tweet reads. Let’s call this New Year’s Eve Savings Time.

Chase Those Dreams

“New Year’s resolution: chase your dreams,” this funny dog meme says. That little pup looks so eager to go after what makes him truly happy. Bravo!

Time Changes Everything

“20’s celebrating NYE: Drinking, dancing, party till dawn. 40’s celebrating NYE: Home eating candy out of your kids’ stockings,” the tweet reads. It’s wild how much things change in just a few, short years.

One More Time…

“Say Happy New Year one more time. See what happens… I dare you!!!” this New Year’s meme featuring a comically angry-looking baby says. What an expression!

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On a Positive Note

Finally, we leave you with a hopeful New Year’s Drake meme that wants to do away with the old baggage of 2022 and receive the promise of 2023. Really, keep your wits about you, and it will be great. Happy New Year!

There you go! We hope you got a kick out of these New Year’s memes.