Nothing feels better than enjoying lively conversation with your friends and nailing a witty one-liner joke that leaves everyone in stitches. However, preparing for moments like that can seem nearly impossible.
But hopefully, this list of funny one-liner jokes will help you feel more prepared when those moments do approach. This list is comprised of over 50 quick and funny one-liners that you can use at any time to solicit a laugh and maybe even a few appreciative eye-rolls.
So here are 53 funny one-liner jokes you are going to love:
Quick and Funny One-Liner Jokes:
These are one-liners that will land every single time, giving you the laugh you’re always looking for when around good friends and family.
I went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
I used to have a handle on life, but then the handle broke.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
What’s the best thing about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
I used to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not so sure.
Never trust atoms; they make up everything.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
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Dad Joke Level One-Liner Jokes:
We all know there are just some one-liners only dads themselves can come up with. And whether we like to admit it or not, a lot of these dad joke level one-liners can get a pretty good laugh, so here are a few.
Russian dolls are so full of themselves.
Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
Bigfoot is sometimes confused with Sasquatch, Yeti never complains.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, ‘Is the bar tender here?’
A told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
The inventor of the throat lozenge died last month. There was no coffin at his funeral.
Why are art collectors such big fans of gasoline? Because it makes their Van Gogh.
You do realize that vampires aren’t real. Unless you Count Dracula.
I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
One of the cows didn’t produce milk today. It was an udder failure.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
The future, the present, and the past walk into a bar. Things got a little tense.
Maybe if we start telling people their brain is an app, they’ll want to use it.
Dogs can’t see your bones. But CAT scan.
I just got kicked out of a secret cooking society. I spilled the beans.
Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop?
I went to a seafood disco last week, but ended up pulling a mussel.
I saw a sign the other day that said, ‘Watch for children,’ and I thought, ‘That sounds like a fair trade.’
Unbothered One-Liner Jokes:
For those, like me, who have a very nonchalant, unbothered sense of humor like me, these one-liner jokes are for you. Easy, quick, and sure to get at least a satisfying chuckle.
What’s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know and I don’t care.
“I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.” -Zach Galifianakis
Well, to be Frank with you, I’d have to change my name.
I always take life with a grain of salt. And a slice of lemon. And a shot of tequila.
Refusing to go to the gym is a form of resistance training.
The rotation of Earth really makes my day.
My friend was explaining electricity to me, but I was like, ‘Watt?’
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
My wife gave me an ultimatum: Her or my addiction to sweets. The decision was a piece of cake.
What does a CIA agent do when it’s time for bed? He goes under cover.
One-Liner Jokes That Will Make Your Eyes Roll:
We all have heard the jokes that make our eyes roll, but we also appreciated the attempt at humor, right? So much so that the one-liner joke almost becomes a little funny.
I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
The first time I got a universal remote control, I thought to myself, ‘This changes everything.’
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tale.
How does a computer get drunk? It takes screen shots.
How do you find Will Smith in a snowstorm? You look for fresh prints.
People who use selfie sticks really need to have a good, long look at themselves.
6:30 is the best time on a clock, hands down.
Two fish are in a tank. One says, ‘How do you drive this thing?’
A cop started crying while he was writing me a ticket. I asked him why and he said, “It’s a moving violation.”
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says: “Sorry, we don’t serve food in here.”
One-Liner Jokes About Life:
What really makes a one-liner joke funny and perfectly witty are once that apply to life. So if you can do that you are sure to get a laugh!
“Love is like a fart. If you have to force it it’s probably s***.” – Stephen K. Amos
“I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!” – Stewart Francis
“Do Transformers get car, or life insurance?” – Russell Howard
“Alright lads, a giant fly is attacking the police station. I’ve called the SWAT team!” – Greg Davies
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So there you have it, a slew of funny one-liner jokes that are perfect to have in your back pocket at any time! They are all quick, witty, clever, and just plain silly perfect for making someone’s day and grabbing a laugh for yourself! What is your favorite one-liner joke?