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QUESTION: Why don’t other parents believe me when I say my kids are well-behaved?
“Why is it so hard for parents to believe that other parents have really well-behaved children? Children that don’t cause a fuss in public like a store or a restaurant. Children who sleep well in their own beds and have always done so since birth. Children who like school. Children who don’t talk back and respect your parenting expectations. Children who respect adults and other children, who have manners and just in general, really behave well.
When someone with a well-behaved child makes a comment on social media about their experiences, they are often faced with responses that they are lying or they are ‘holier than thou or parent shaming when in actuality, they really DO have well-behaved kids and are merely commenting on posts just like everyone else does. I have two children who are very well behaved; I mean, they rarely give me any trouble.
My children don’t cause problems or talk back, who do very well in school. They rarely give me any problems at home and in public, yet if I respond on a public post about what I would do in a certain situation or how I handle things (even within the most unholier than thou manner), I get chastised and shamed and told that I am rubbing it in people’s faces and that I shouldn’t even comment and that I must be ‘fun at parties (which I am, I am actually a pretty cool mom if I do say so myself). It’s frustrating to me because I am only stating how I handle things in my house or in public, and again, just like everyone else does in the post. Why is it so hard to believe? And why do parents have to cut another parent down for having well-behaved children?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I believe you might actually have really well-behaved children and there’s plenty of kids out there that are really well-behaved. I was a really well-behaved child. I had my tantrums here and there but I listened and respected and everything else. But guess what? My brother was a terror as a child. Guess what we had in common? Our parents lol so yeah, I believe it’s more about the child’s personality more than any parenting techniques. Yes, there are some that work better on some children and some that don’t work at all.
Each child is different and your technique might not work for my children. The problem comes when you think that your children are well-behaved SOLELY because of your parenting style and tell other people “well MY kids NEVER” x, y and z “because I do” x, y, and z. When you feel like saying the above sentence, don’t. Instead, say “I’m thankful I don’t have to deal with that since I was blessed with cooperative children.” And see the difference it makes to the responses you get.”
“Maybe because we’re being eaten alive by a shark frenzy and you’re sailing by on a yacht? I’m glad parenting is going well for you but we aren’t required to be happy for you.”
“I truly understand you!!! I am a mother of two wonderful children …. adults now, but my children were such good boys in school, that a teacher told me once if all children were like yours “ we teachers will be so lucky. Meanwhile, other mothers were not so friendly.”
“It’s hard to believe because some parents like to talk their kids up like they are well behaved and in reality they aren’t. I’ve been around said kids and it’s not all lollipops and rainbows. Some parents love to talk. I won’t lie I have 4 kids and they can be naughty and talk back but they respect others and that’s what matters.”
“Mine are usually well behaved, although my daughter is almost 16 so we do occasionally get an attitude lol but the negative comments don’t only seem to be about moms who have good children. I’ve noticed a lot of bashing and shaming on mother’s who are asking for help. I never realized of mean some mothers can be to other mothers.”
“I think it could be maybe for those who do try and try and still get a very independent stubborn kiddo are upset you’re rubbing it in. I wouldn’t make a big deal about it to others. My children are good but they are still human and when hungry or tired or just having a bad day it will show. Has nothing to do with how I parent. They are their own person.”
“Jealousy. Most children are not little angels. Mine isn’t. And if I was reaching out for advice and got “oh well MY children don’t act like that. I would just tell them that’s not how we behave” Like I haven’t tried that. It comes off as condescending.”
“I agree. My two boys were taught manners and respect. My grandkids are being taught the same skills. I say skills because later in life it does matter. They have the tools for school and work. They have both gone far in their careers because of not only their education, but manners and respect they show their coworkers and bosses. This is constantly told to them. It’s important children learn these as much as reading.”
“Because most kids are nuts toddlers are the worst sometimes mine threw a fit today because I put the sock he wants on his left foot on his right foot.”
“Perhaps it’s difficult for them to understand something they haven’t experienced themselves. Or they’re annoyed by someone claiming how easy they have it while they’re struggling. You never know what is happening in someone else’s life.”
“It’s probably because people think that maybe when you say something like that it’s because you think you know how to raise good kids and the rest of us are bad parents. Now I don’t think this I’m just guessing here. I’m not sure what the topic you are referring to is but if your kids don’t give you issues I guess that advice won’t apply to their kids.”
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