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QUESTION: My Partner Has Been Secretly Using OnlyFans: What Should I Do?
“I need some advice, mamas! I just found out last night that my boyfriend (been together five years and have two kids with) has an OnlyFans account where he has been paying another woman for nudes and videos.
I don’t know what to do; I haven’t said anything to him yet because I don’t even know how to approach this situation!
To me, it feels like cheating, and it feels different than if he was just watching p*** or something. One of the girls he met through Snapchat. I guess I just wanted to get some other opinions…”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I would be like, ‘honey I decided to open an OnlyFans account to make some extra money. You are cool with that right?'”
“Personally I feel like watching p*rn is one thing and am cool with female sex workers (do what you gotta do sis), but knowing that he personally connected with one of the females and was paying for her nudes would have me concerned. I’d just confront and talk to him about it. Communication is always key.”
“Having an OnlyFans would bother me way more than regular p*rn and it costs money. You need to confront him about it and let him know how it makes you feel and what your expectations are going forward, hopefully you can come to a solution together.”
“Regardless of what anyone else thinks, if it makes you uncomfortable and he hid it from you, it crosses a boundary in your relationship. What is cheating to some may not be to others, so discuss it with him. Let him know that that’s crossing a line for you.”
“The rule in my relationship is p*rn can’t be interactive. No cam girls, no live stuff, no buying nudes, no following adult film stars on social media. So no OnlyFans for sure. It should be strictly impersonal and when that boundary is crossed is considered cheating to me.”
“The fact that he is hiding it is your answer. He knows it’s wrong and is absolutely cheating if it’s not along the basis of your relationship boundaries. I’d be curious how much else he is hiding since he can easily hide something that personal and sexual from you.”
“My husband and I agree that something like that would be considered cheating. We live by the rule if you wouldn’t want it done to you don’t do it to the other person.”
“Sit down and explain to him why that is not okay. I agree with you. P*rn is one thing. But paying a person for pictures is not okay.”
“That is crossing the line. He is dedicating his time to other females, paying them money. Absolutely unacceptable in my opinion. Legal prostitution and cheating.”
“Kick that man down the road! I would feel so insecure, violated and heartbroken if I was you. I wouldn’t be able to continue a relationship that way.”
“Leave him, it won’t stop. There are men who are into this stuff and they always will be. Then there are men that do not even look twice at this stuff bc they value and respect the woman they have. You cannot change this. Trust me I wasted 8 years of my life trying to convince a man to give this stuff up. Not worth it!!!”
“Honey… no man should have to pay to get nudes… I understand you love him and have kids with him but if you just found out he is doing this….. then what else has he done that you don’t know! I think it’s time for you to focus only on your kids and get out! Good luck girl!”
“You’re an adult. Sit down with him and explain your feelings, like an adult. Have a discussion about what you both are expecting going forward and repercussions for continued behavior.”
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