Choosing to put children up for adoption is never an easy decision to make. It can become even more complicated when both of the biological parents can’t agree on the right way to move forward. One woman is having a really tough time reconciling what she knows is best for her. After she became pregnant with twins with someone she’s not in a relationship with any longer, it was clear that giving up the twins for adoption would be the best thing to do. This choice wasn’t only right for her, she felt it would give the unborn children a better opportunity at a happy life.
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The biological father of the twins disagrees with her and wants both of them to raise the twins together. Frustrated and unsure, she posted on Reddit to get some feedback from the community.
In the heartfelt Reddit post, the woman says the right decision for her is to choose adoption.
She has many personal reasons for not wanting kids and that’s totally her right. She says in the post that she wants to relinquish her parental rights and wants nothing to do with the children after they’re born.
“I made it clear to him that I will move away once they’re born and want to know nothing about them, sign away my rights, etc,” she explained.
At first, the children’s biological father was content with the arrangement, but after a recent doctor’s visit, she’s unsure.
“In my last [doctor’s] appointment he wanted to come, and I agreed, though I said I didn’t want to find out their gender,” she said in the post. “He asked if HE alone could find out and he wouldn’t tell me.”
The pregnant woman agreed to let her ex learn the gender of the babies only if he did not tell her. Guess what he did?
After she agreed to let the doctor tell her ex the babies’ genders, he let it “slip.” He told her despite her objections.
“Little bit later and he already let me slip what they are, which has made me incredibly upset,” she wrote. “He says he didn’t do it on purpose but I don’t believe him. (He wants me to be their mom.)”
He betrayed her trust and the agreement he made with her only to tell her that she’s overreacting. “He thinks I’m completely overreacting and as he will be their only parent, he should be there ‘so at least one person who cares about them is there,'” she said in the post. “He wants to be as involved as possible now.”
She made the decision and banned him from attending any other meetings she had with her doctors. With little hope he’ll change his ways, how could she be sure he wouldn’t pull something equally as disrespectful again?
People on Reddit were split about her decision to ban her ex.
One person posted that she’s actually been more patient than necessary. “Contrary to the people accusing you of selfishness, what you are doing is actually very selfless,” the post said, “You are bearing these kids so that he can have them and raise them. I would tell him to back off.”
“You’re acting very selflessly by essentially being a surrogate for him, and he’s pushing your boundaries, pretty clearly trying to convince you to parent with him,” another person agreed. “You mentioned you have trouble being assertive, but you need to shut that [expletive] down. You’ve both made your decisions clear, but he doesn’t seem to want to let you go through with yours.”
“They’re his children, but it’s your pregnancy.”
A lot of people felt the woman wasn’t making the right choice and that excluding the twin’s biological father was a mistake.
“I think you’re being callus for no reason other to want to make him miserable like you feel,” one commenter posted. “You don’t want the babies, and the father wants them. He wants to enjoy them, and you don’t. Most people want to enjoy their children being born.”
“He’s the father, he’s going to be raising them,” another person wrote. “And you don’t just get to sign away your rights, fathers have been asking for that option for decades, it works both ways.”
With such narrow-minded responses, the woman felt the need to defend herself.
She emphasized that she wasn’t just “walking away” or going to be irresponsible.
“I’m willing to pay child support as much as I can (being not that financially stable myself), honestly,” she posted. “I just don’t want to/can’t be a mom.”
At the end of the day, she admitted that her ex doesn’t put her at ease. After the stunt he pulled revealing the babies’ genders, why would she feel comfortable? “He just makes me feel incredibly uncomfortable,” she posted.
Which is reason enough for her not allowing him to be present for the birth. It’s stressful and painful enough to go through pregnancy and then deliver a child. The least he could do was respect her wishes. He’s getting what he wants. It comes at great sacrifice on her part.
When this is all over, we sincerely hope that both are happy with the arrangement.
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