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“I need some serious advice for what to do with my eight years old. She is so ungrateful, rude, bossy, demanding, and just constantly argues no matter what it is that you say, she has to argue. She spends most of her time screaming and especially at me, her mother. You can never please her. No punishment or discipline seems to help or change things. She was making progress for a little bit, and then she went back to the old behavior except worse. I’ve tried taking things away, the loving approach, the screaming approach, I’ve done programs to help, I’ve ignored and, I’ve cried, I feel like I have done it all. I notice the good, I spread my attention around, I spend quality time with her, I honestly am at a loss. She becomes so destructive when angry. She has a doctor’s appt on Feb 16th. Her behavior has me feeling so depressed and burnt out, and I just need some advice. Has anyone else dealt with this with their child or children? How did you cope?“
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“It seems to me there maybe a serious medical problem and untill told differently by a medical professional I would hold off acting on any advice or suggestions as it may be more harmful than good, I hope and pray you find answers soon.”
“Could be a hormone imbalance or getting her time soon I got mine when I was 8 so could be either of those.”
“Sounds like ADHD to me and medication is needed to see better results unfortunately that’s what I had to do as much as I was against it that was my only other option and things have finally started to turn around best of luck to you.”
“Try be her parent and not her friend. The mistake i made with my daughter was wanting her to like me and i kept putting her on my level and when it came to discipline i never saw it thru. I would threaten it but never went thru with it. I look back and if i had only just been her mother and not cared about whether or not she liked me. The things she is learning now will be what she will need to use as an adult. Stick to your guns.”
“Considering this very much sounds like a mood disorder some of these comments feel borderline abusive… I would look into getting her a therapist. Try understanding where all of this anger is coming from.”
“So my daughter is 8. You need to 1st find a behavioral specialist, talk to her pediatrician about a referral for a psychiatrist. I’m bi polar and about 2 years ago my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and ASD, put on meds blah blah blah. She did well at 1st, but after finding a psychiatrist who would LISTEN to me, she was diagnosed with Bipolar like me. She takes 1 pill at 7pm and 1 at 7am (for ADHD). Combined with behavioral therapy, and OT she is doing AMAZING. Also karate has helped my daughter.”
“Sounds like she probably didn’t start out with consequences and structure, starting at a very early age. I suspect a pattern was set in place early on and she still follows it. The only difference now is she is older and bolder. Be consistent to the tenth power, set her on a strict schedule, stick with punishment given. I would not rule out a spanking or two. Take her off sugar and processed food. I would do all of the above before considering any medicine. She is young and still very teachable. Stay strong and fight the good fight, it will be worth it.”
“My daughter acted this way since she was 4. After many years and Drs. She was diagnosed with bipolar at the age of 26. I was at my wits end with no answers and ran out of ideas. I was told she was spoiled she needed a good old fashion whipping ECT… I took her to a therapist which did help her and me. You need to sit her down and talk to her calmly and ask her what’s going on and get her to a therapist. If it is discovered that she has a mental disorder please explain to her not to be ashamed of it. It’s no different than seeking help for a cut or sure throat.”
“Are you certain she hasn’t been molested ? No amount of punishment will change the behaviour of a child who’s been abused. I would eliminate that possibility first..”
“Needs a medical assessment to rule out any physical cause then behaviour assessment. She could have oppositional defiance disorder (ODD) but that can only be diagnosed by a family doctor or psychiatrist. Good luck.”
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