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QUESTION:
“What is a good amount of time to ground an 8 and 11-year-old, and what sort of grounding is acceptable for being extremely disrespectful to their parents and literally never listening to anything? They already do daily chores, and we don’t do very much screen time in our home. I’ve tried spanking, time out in the corner, sitting on the couch all day, stern talking. They also go to bed at 9:00 every night except weekends. They fight with each other constantly; they fight with us, they try to parent one another. I’m at my wits end. Everyone outside of our home is always bragging about how well behaved they are, but here they’re just terrible. I know this is their safe place and the one place they feel comfortable enough to have all their little moods, but I will not let my child get comfortable disrespecting me. I just don’t know what else I can do.“
Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“1 week no toys in room…nothing but books…”
“Make them write an essay on how they would feel if they were the disrespected parents. Or you could have a day were they get to be the parents and the parents are the children. It would create empathy all around.”
“My mom never grounded me, instead she’d make me scrub walls or floors. I hated this [punishment] but I can clean the crap out of walls n floors lol, I would let them choose one of the two.”
“Maybe make them do something that requires team work. Like team building exercises. Idk I had this problem and I finally snapped on my kids & they’ve been a lot better.”
“My question would be how much separation time are they getting from one another since Covid started? Are you guys doing strict quarantine rules or whatever works for you? My kids have been at it since they’ve had more one on one time together, my whole family has been at each other some times. Covid has people tired, my question would be have you tried giving them their own independent time? If they have separate hobbies you can send them to their rooms or whatever space they like to hang at and let them do their own stuff. My bonus baby loves to color and my 14 month old loves his trucks and such. I personally buy her a new coloring book every three weeks when she uses all the pages up, I get him a new car every three weeks. Just gives them their own space. Mine are quite younger than yours, most likely they are just super stressed with how Covid is affecting everything. I know my nephew has been super down since they canceled his sports due to Covid ): I can’t really say what will work for your kids discipline wise simply because each kids different, however hold strong momma, hope you find something that works for you guys.”
“My mom always took away everything lol I lost my door first and if that didn’t help I lost my dresser. And do on and so fourth. Went to bed earlier.”
“Extra chores maybe? Something they really hate to do? My ex husband had daughters that age I’d make them write sentences , nothing too crazy maybe 20x ‘i will not talk back’ or whatever, they absolutely hated it but their penmanship improved and it helped.”
“Kids feel most comfortable at home so that’s where they know it’s ok to act out or be themselves. I have literally taken everything from my daughter when she was going through a destructive phase. She spent 1 year with only books and a bed and dresser in her room. She could watch TV with us and help cook and clean and play with her younger siblings she’s 6 years older. She is amazing now. Completely respectful of property and of us and her siblings. She helps do laundry and load the dishwasher she loves to do those 2 things. She doesn’t have “chores” nor do we ever spank our kids. She’s in the 4th grade and reads at a 6th grade level. She loves to read now.”
“Google “get along shirt”.”
“My 2 are as thick as thieves but could argue with each other that blue is black! Is that not what siblings do? I remember myself and my brother would kill each other but then back each other up all the way! Both mine try my patience but are in general, so we’ll behaved and good-natured! They have chores around the house, help with dinner and laundry (I feel these are great life skills) these are trying times we are stuck together constantly, covid has made sure of that, but we have a lot of fun/silly time with each other and it definitely helps the mood in our house! Praise them for all the good things and try to talk openly with each other. I do find a little bit of light-heartedness works wonders in these trying times.”
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