This question was submitted to our community via our Facebook page and/or our Answers forum. Responses are also taken from the community. If you have your own parenting or relationship question you would like answers to, submit on Facebook or Answers.
QUESTION: My husband told me he wasn’t getting me anything for Mothers Day because I am not his mother: Thoughts?
“What would you think if your husband says he’s not getting you anything for Mother’s Day because “you’re not his mother”? My husband told me that when I mention wanting a hammock for Mother’s Day. Keep in mind my son is 5. His son (who calls me mama since I’ve been in his life since he was five months old) is three, and we have two daughters together who are 1 and 3 months.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Okay. So with his logic. Don’t get him anything at all for Father’s Day. Just ignore him. Treat yourself to spoiling yourself on that day and do something together with the kids as in Mother/Kid Outing. You are a Mother. A Mother to the children he fathered. So it is only fair you get something on Mother’s Day as well. Even if it is just from the Kids.”
“My husband used to say the same thing. Over the years he has changed. Do not make a big deal out him making you feel bad. Talk to him once about it then let it go! You do not want him to turn resentful towards you.Treat yourself to brunch with your kids, buy yourself some flowers. Stand proud in your motherhood! Then on Father’s Day, treat him how you would like to be treated! Celebrate him. He may not like buying cards and celebrating, because that is not his love language. What is his love language? There is a good book about love languages that helped our marriage tremendously. The 5 Love Languages.”
“That’s not right. Even if it’s not “from” him he should make sure your child is able to give you something and maybe take you to dinner or something. I hope he doesn’t expect anything for father’s day.”
“My husband tried this last year. He didn’t get me anything for Mother’s day. So I went all out on fathers day for him! Then in the pettiest way I could, I told him THAT’S HOW YOU TREAT YOUR SPOUSE! He then went all out for Christmas, my birthday (in Jan), Valentine’s day and has already bought gifts for Mother’s day!
I think he got the point!”
“I’m not his mother and I say this all the time… my kids where young they made me things which where priceless and meant more. When they got older they bought me stuff on there own and the younger ones still make me stuff. It’s not about getting what you want or materialistic things. It’s about the love and joy of being a mother.”
“Stop doing his laundry and cooking his meals. When he asks what’s going on, say “I’m not your mother.””
“You are the mother of his children. Your kids cannot go buy something for you by themselves. Take your kiddos out to buy a gift for you and help them bag it up for Mother’s Day. Make sure one of the gifts is a hammock. Since it was so sweet of your kids to buy a hammock, your husband will need to help them put it up!”
“I love to hear all the different perceptions of this! In our home, daddy used to take our kids to store and/or make something. It was from the kids with dad’s help. Once they got a little older, they starting wanting to use their own hard earned money to buy/make something for me. As far as their dad/my husband, he always gives me something small as an appreciation for being the Momma of his children. In turn , Father’s day is played the same way.”
“I have 6 children and my husband has never gotten me a single thing for Mother’s Day. He has always said the same thing, I am not his mother. Just last year I finally stopped celebrating him for Father’s Day”
“Every time he asks you of something that a mother could do, reply with, “I’m not your mother.” You want your work clothes washed? I’m not your mother. Dinner? I’m not your mother. Grab him something from the store on your way home? Sorry! I’m not your mother”
“I have a totally different stance on this topic. Hear me out… yes! You deserve to be treated like a queen every day and Mother’s Day! However… it’s not always about gifts. They can be great though! I was previously married, we had a child together…. he threw gifts at me and never spent quality time. Fast forward, we divorced. He gets me not even a card from our son. Every year I still get him a little something like his favorite cake in a very small size. Not bc I give a rats behind about him, but bc I want my son to see that I try to be a good person and hopefully my son will pick up these behaviors as well and know to celebrate Father’s Day for his father when he is older enough to do so. My current husband pulls out all the stops all day every day! He does get a gift from my kiddos and respectfully acknowledges why I do what I do for my ex. I would take my kids and do something fun or do a fun project together or a craft. Make a memory! It’s much better then a card that will get thrown away or put in a box somewhere! Be the bigger person and don’t treat him as he is treating you. You have little people looking up to you!”
“He should get you something from the “kids” that’s horrible he doesn’t think like that. My kids are all under 6 and he will buy me something from them as they are to little. Or even have them make a card. It’s just a nice thing to do. I’m sorry this is happening to you. So happy mothers day for Sunday!! From me to you. You should be appreciated and be able to enjoy mothers day.”
“Wow! He’s absolutely correct you are not his mother. How ever you have given him two wonderful gifts and are raising a 3rd gift from somebody else. He needs to step it up.”
“Leave him alone with the kids that day and go enjoy yourself.”
“Spend money on yourself. I know it’s not the same but its better then accepting the fact that he’s ignoring you. Buy WHATEVER you want and then make a big deal about it being your mother’s day gift to yourself since you have an unthoughtful husband and giiiiiirl don’t you DARE get him anything for Father’s day. When he asks why not you tell him he ain’t your father. He wants to go out for Father’s day with the boys? Sorry he aint your dad so he doesn’t get that right.”
“Remind him you are both parents setting examples for children in the art of honoring their mothers and fathers. A child who is part of the gift giving as guided by the parent not being celebrated will learn to love the act of giving to make someone you love happy. If money is so tight cook a meal for the parent and give a craft gift and hand drawn card. Don’t punish your husband; help him to think creatively and happily. The hammock may be out of reach right now, but a gift is possible. And Father’s Day is next month.”
Have a parenting, relationship, or other family-related question? Submit it on Facebook or Answers!
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.