A mom writes in asking for advice because she doesn’t want to be a mom who keeps her daughter away from her father. But due to his history of verbal and emotional abuse, she’s not sure if she should allow her daughter’s father to be apart of her life. Now she’s looking for advice from others to help her make her decision.
A member of the community asks:
“So my ex-fiance and I have been broken up since last April. I moved back in with my parents (my parents are in a different state than [my] ex). I found out I was pregnant with my daughter shortly after leaving. Against everyone’s advice, I told my ex I was pregnant.
[Here’s] a little back story about us: We were together for about two years, we got engaged, wanted to have another baby as well. So we started trying, and I had a miscarriage. I was really upset because this was my second miscarriage. I told him, and he just blew it off and wanted to go right back to trying. I tried talking to him about waiting, that was out of the question for him. Things started getting really bad; he started staying out until 2 or 3 a.m. He had a dating app back on his phone, and he got verbally abusive with me.
He kicked my son (from a previous relationship) and me out of our apartment in the middle of winter (up north). My parents told me to come to stay with them in Florida. They helped me move back in with them. I found out I was pregnant two weeks after leaving. I told him, and he told me he’d pay for an abortion. I said no, I wasn’t going to do that, so he told me he hoped I miscarried again. I stopped talking to him after that. He made it clear he didn’t want to be involved.
Fast forward, I’m halfway through the pregnancy, thankfully. [I] had some issues along the way, but doing good. I get an email from him telling me he hoped I hemorrhaged out during birth; I was a mistake and some more awful things. I started crying and getting really bad cramps. My mom said just to ignore him. I didn’t respond. Fast forward, and I’m almost due. He comes back and apologizes and swears he’d never talk to me like that again; he just wants to be there for his daughter. So I let him come to the hospital and be there when I gave birth. Thirty minutes after having her, he leaves to go to the airport to go back to his home.
We’re talking; he’s video chatting with her every day. He asked if we’re getting back together, and I said no, I just need to focus on our daughter. He gets mad and goes off on me again, calling me horrible names, and telling me that his daughter and I were the biggest mistakes of his life, never to contact him again, he’ll report me for harassment if I try and contact him again. We stop talking again. Now every couple of months, he asks how our daughter is doing. I’ve been ignoring him.
I don’t want to be the kind of mother that keeps their child’s father away, but I also can’t keep dealing with his abuse every time he gets mad at me. Would you let your baby’s father be a part of her life if you were in my situation?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Isn’t Sure If Her Daughter’s Father Should Be a Part of Her Life
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Many of the commenters believe the mom is right for not wanting to subject her daughter to a potentially toxic relationship should she let the father be part of her life.
One commenter said, “No way. If he is abusive to you, he would be abusive towards your daughter. I’ve been in your boat, it’s horrible. Speak to a lawyer and fight [for] full custody of her. Don’t let him get to you. He [is] only doing it to upset you, and stress you out. He sounds [like an] unsafe type of person for a child to be around.”
Another mom added, “Absolutely not. I would change my phone number as well as my email. I also would not open one from him. Move on with your life and stop the abuse now. Good luck and God bless.”
And one person shared, “Keep him away. He has nothing you or she needs. Keep records of everything, calls, texts, whatever, file for full custody and a restraining order. Keep him out of your lives.”
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