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QUESTION: Should a husband defend his wife to his mother?
“What would you do if your mother-in-law constantly put you down in front of your husband and kids? Saying things [like I’m] lazy, dirty, etc. Would you expect your husband to say something to her? Or should you say something to her yourself? My husband just blows it off, saying, “don’t listen to her. She’s rude,” and says nothing to her. I have explained to him millions of times that is mother makes me uncomfortable, and she’s rude, and I don’t want to be around her.
He let her come over the other day because she said she had to “use the internet.” He saw I was visibly upset and let her come over anyway, saying it’s only for 15 minutes. She said some rude comments that day also. She has been a sore subject in our relationship for many years; she is VERY outspoken and rude, sometimes even to my kids. What should my next step be?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Your husband has not stuck up for you so handle it yourself. Let your mother-in-law know that she will respect you and your children and tell her not to come back to your house until she learns how to talk to you and the kids.”
“My mother-in-law wouldn’t see my kids and I would speak up . Your husband is wrong for not sticking up for you. That’s his mom but you and ur children should be his main. I wouldn’t even allow her in my home.”
“Your husband should stand up to her. By not speaking out, he is basically saying it’s okay with him if she talks to you that way. Silence equals approval. I’m sorry you are going through this.”
“Tell him get his mom in line before you do it yourself and if he puts you in that position tell her to respect you and your kids or she will no longer be involved. Simple. He needs to step up.”
“Put your foot Down to HER and HIM if need be. He’s your HUSBAND he’s supposed to protect you from anyone, again ANYONE.”
“It’s your husband’s place to say something to his mom. If you say something she’ll be very defensive. If it’s your family you take care of it, his family, he needs to take care of it. You’re gonna resent him for not backing you. We had this problem w/ my husband’s family and him not defending me and that’s what the counselor told us, that my husband needed to talk to his family.”
“Hubby and I have a house rule. Nobody comes in our home that causes conflict between us. It doesn’t matter who it is. Blood or not. Our home is our safe place. And anyone who threatens that isn’t welcome. Since we applied that to our lives. It’s been so quiet and drama free.”
“I would be just as outspoken and rude right back. ESPECIALLY if my mother-in-law did that to my kids. Put her AND him in their place, stand up for yourself if he won’t.”
“I would definitely say something to your mother-in-law, especially if she says this stuff to you in front of your kids. It could be a great teaching moment for your children on how to stand up for themselves. I would definitely try to cut her out of your life, you and your children don’t need that kind of toxicity in your lives.”
“Husband should say something. If not I would. I was always taught that the family you came from is important but the one you make for yourself is more important.”
“I believe that your husband should definitely stick up for you and if he doesn’t then stick up for yourself. Don’t let anyone disrespect you like that especially in front of your kids.”
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