If you haven’t yet heard of Simon Holland, we highly recommend you follow him on Twitter or Instagram. A dad of two girls, Simon shares hilarious tweets about parenting and being the odd man out. As he describes on his blog, “I am a lone Y chromosome and am already planning my escape strategy to deal with the estrogen flood that is on its way.”
He’s a funny man, for sure, but the root of all comedy is truth, and he certainly hits at the truth with every hilarious parenting tweet. That’s what makes him one of our favorites!
Plus, parenting is hard sometimes, so it’s important to laugh about the craziness as much as possible.
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: 17 Hilarious and Relatable Parenting Tweets to Get You Through Your Day
Here are some of our favorite Simon Holland parenting tweets.
But, seriously, how is that kids ALWAYS find a way to do the most damage in the shortest amount of time?
I’m bored, want to find new ways to scratch the floors?
Brilliant, let’s go.
-my kids
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 10, 2019
Dad jokes are rad jokes, always.
Remind your kid every now and then that you know what it takes to be cool by calling something “the bomb dot com.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 8, 2019
It’s hard to say for sure, but we’re guessing Simon may never have been part of the squad.
I accidentally said skrt when I meant to say yeet in front of my daughter’s friends and they went sicko mode making fun of me. I’m afraid I’m out of the squad.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 5, 2019
We 100% support being bored every once in a while.
Now what?
-Kids on the 4th day of summer break
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 4, 2019
The best revenge is best served when all parties are exhausted.
It’s her summer break so I woke my 12 year old daughter up at 5:15 this morning. I’ve been waiting for this revenge since she was 4.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 30, 2019
The on-going summer dilemma.
It’s her summer break so I woke my 12 year old daughter up at 5:15 this morning. I’ve been waiting for this revenge since she was 4.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 30, 2019
The dangers of Pinterest go beyond not perfectly replicating the picture.
A mom on my daughter's softball team found a cute snack idea on Pinterest & now all of the girls have their hands stuck in tiny mason jars.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 2, 2019
Some days are all cookies and rainbows…and more cookies.
A mom on my daughter's softball team found a cute snack idea on Pinterest & now all of the girls have their hands stuck in tiny mason jars.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 2, 2019
Sometimes you just all need a little break.
At first I was annoyed that Netflix was raising prices but it’s basically like the babysitter asking for an additional 3 cents per hour.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 18, 2019
Going out to eat with small children is basically an Olympic sport. It’s challenging, high-stress and it’s highly unlikely you’ll feel like a winner by the time you leave.
Took our kids to a restaurant tonight because the only thing this circus was missing was an audience.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 30, 2019
For more funny parenting tweets by Simon Holland, follow him on Twitter!
What do you think of Simon Holland’s funny parenting tweets? Do you find him as relatable and truthful as we do?
When I’m not hanging out with my three-year-old and husband in Brooklyn, I’m busy writing stories for Mamas Uncut and managing PR + Marketing for Magnolia Bakery, based in New York City. On weekends, you can usually find me at a local park or playground pushing my daughter on the swings, “researching” the best almond croissants in Park Slope or launching into impromptu family dance parties at home, the sidewalk or, every once in awhile, a restaurant bathroom. I’m still trying to master the whole parenting thing, but I have learned that copious amounts of coffee, humor and humility are involved on a daily basis.
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