A wife writes in looking for some advice on her intimate life since having kids.
A Community Member asks:
“Before having my 1st child, who is almost four years old soon, my husband and I had a great sex life. I enjoyed it, and we never really had issues. Once I got pregnant, my sex drive dropped, but I didn’t worry since that’s pretty common in pregnancy, and I assumed I’d go back to normal after having my baby. Well, that never happened. After having my child, I can’t enjoy sex. Either I feel nothing at all (as in I don’t feel pleasure or literally don’t feel it), or it’s just painful.
I got pregnant with my second who I had in 2019, and I hoped that somehow having her would “fix” me physically, and I will admit I do feel a tad bit more now, but I still can’t enjoy intimacy! I do now and then get in the mood, but that instantly goes away once I realize how sex isn’t how it was before kids, so it’s not that I have no sex drive at all. Has anyone gone through this? My husband wants me to see a doctor, but I feel like this is something not fixable.“
Community Advice For The Wife Who Is Struggling Enjoying Intimacy After Life Having Kids
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this wife struggling with intimacy, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community gave some good advice on why intimacy might be a problem, you can read some of their responses below.
“See a doctor and work on Kegels helps more than you think.”
“My sex drive dropped when I got pregnant with my first too. It’s not uncommon for me to go months between wanting intimacy. I haven’t mentioned it to my doctor, but I probably need to. My problem is it’s impossible for me to get in the mood when I’m stressed or exhausted or anything like that and that describes my life pretty much every day. I’m on my second marriage because my ex-husband couldn’t accept my lack of sex drive and things got ugly.”
“Go see a Dr. A lot of females don’t know this but females produce. Testosterone. If it is low then that will make your sex drive go bye-bye. Hormones are out of whack anyway because of pregnancy. My doctor prescribed me some cream to put on my labia….it worked.“
“If you are on any medications, especially antidepressants, they may have the side effect of lowering sex drive. If this applies, talk to the doc who wrote the RX.“
“Same. Part of my problem is I need to do Kegels. The other part of my problem is I’m 32, had 2 kids, and I’m bigger than I’ve ever been so I don’t feel attractive which makes me not in the mood a lot. Plus I’m constantly tired and low energy, partly because of having a 4-year-old and a 1-year-old and because I’m slightly overweight.“
“Be sure to talk with a doctor who is familiar with or specifically focuses on sexual health and wellness. There is SO much more you can do besides Kegel’s ladies! Every woman deserves to enjoy sex, especially after children. If anyone reading is in the Nashville TN area check out the WISH clinic and Brooke Faught, NP.”
I think after having children it is really important to focus more on intimacy. Women are emotional, so turning it on or off is not just a flip of a switch. It takes time.
How you feel about yourself makes a very big impact on your enjoyment of intimacy as well. After having kids our bodies change drastically and if you don’t like what you see it can make you overly aware of yourself and intimacy can become a problem. Another factor can be that when you are busy all day being a mom, it can really be hard to turn into a wife.
It was also mentioned to talk with your doctor, and I can’t emphasize enough how important this is. Don’t be embarrassed because intimacy is a common problem with women. Your doctor can give you some great advice and, if needed and possible, can adjust medications.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.