A mom writes in asking for advice on the topic of dating after going through a divorce. How long should she wait to start dating? What else should she know before jumping back into the dating pool?
“Life Alchemist” Jasmine Montoya weighs in with some expert advice below.
A Mamas Uncut fan asks:
“I’m a single mom and want to start dating again. How long should I wait before dating again after divorce?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Advice from Jasmine Montoya
I would give it at least a year before you start dating. Your focus after a significant life change should be on your healing and your children’s healing. The first year is always the hardest as you experience many “firsts” alone. It’s a time to grieve, a very emotional time that will bring up many triggers. These triggers show up and serve as an alert when healing needs to happen.
I would suggest using the time alone to understand why the divorce happened.
Were there red flags?
What was your role in the divorce?
Have you forgiven your partner and/or yourself?
The first year is also a time to reconnect. Get clear on who you are and what you want.
Who are you without your ex?
What parts do you like about yourself and what parts of you do you wish to improve?
Can you be comfortable with being alone?
You get a second chance to create a life you love: what does that look and feel like for you?
Now that you understand why the relationship didn’t work, what is it in a partner that you wish to attract? What is it in a partner that you don’t want to attract?
You owe it to yourself to attract a person when you are in a space of clarity and self-love vs. sadness and fear, and that takes time.
Allow yourself the time and space to take care of yourself. The best way to attract the love we deserve is by showing that love to ourselves first.
[Images via Shutterstock]
Jasmine Montoya is a “Life Alchemist.” She utilizes both Reiki healing and coaching work to support women in clearing past traumas to love themselves unconditionally and create thriving relationships. Jasmine lives in Los Angeles with her son, Noah, and she works with clients one-on-one and in retreat and workshop settings. Learn more and receive free daily practices and self-love affirmations at CoachingbyJasmine.com.