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QUESTION: Do I Have a Right to Be Upset that My Sister and Mom Told Everyone About My High-Risk Pregnancy Before I Was Ready?
“A little backstory: I got pregnant with my three babies, but I was so high risk with my current pregnancy that the doctor was shocked my son made it this far without problems.
But the doctor was worried he would not make it out alive and that I was putting my life at risk with this pregnancy, so I ask my sister and mom not to tell anyone until I know the results and because I didn’t want to be the one to tell everyone that my baby didn’t make. I know it would hurt me more to say it out loud.
But they already told everyone before I gave the okay, and now that we are out of danger, I feel like I can’t enjoy the moment of telling my whole family because they already told them. So do I have the right to be upset or am I overreacting?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I’d be pissed and not tell them anything the rest of the pregnancy. But I’m a huge grudge holder.”
“Something similar happened to me and I was very upset by it. In the excitement of a new baby people tend to forget about the mama in the process. I’d express this to your sister, tell her you are hurt and be careful what you tell her in the future. Sorry this happened to you. I’m so glad you’ve received good news about your baby though, best of luck with your pregnancy.”
“i was extremely upset when my mom told everyone in town. i had a miscarriage before my rainbow and when i found out i was 3 weeks pregnant, she told everyone in the town we were in the next day and i had communicated with her that i wanted to wait until i was 14 weeks to tell people. i was so extremely upset. of course, she was super excited and it got the best of her but i was still really upset. i totally understand what you’re going through.”
“Excited or not, it takes a selfish person to take that special moment from a mom!! Especially if they had lost the baby and made the parents go through telling everyone. That’s traumatic, they had no idea the outcome, again super selfish!!”
“Right to be upset. Yes. But what kind of outcome and behavior would you like out of it for yourself and your family? You can’t control your family’s behavior and have now learned you can’t trust them to wait to share in your joy. So maybe express how you feel to your mom and sister your disappointment. Hopefully they will apologize. I think they need to give you a sweet baby shower. I wish the healthiest safest uneventful pregnancy. Take care, hon.”
“Sure, you have a right to be upset. But why let it ruin things for you? Why not make an announcement anyways on your own?”
“Absolutely. We waited til late for personal reasons and I would have been absolutely livid if the few people we told had spread the news. Family or not. It’s up to *you* guys to tell people, no one else.”
“Yes you have the right be mad. My MIL did the same thing. We told my mother and my husband’s mother first and before we had the chance to put anything together to tell the rest of the family, my MIL already told everyone. She just likes the attention for herself.”
“It it likely she opened up because there was a possibility that something could have happened to you and she was scared. Just saying. Might not have been malicious intent. You should talk to her and ask why she shared your news. Some people are calling her toxic. So you got to ask yourself. Is this really worth losing her over? She should apologize for telling your news though.”
“Your feelings are valid. Can’t change it, but you can tell them it hurt you and ask for an apology, which you deserve for sure!”
“I was upset too when my surprise was ruined by an in-law. Felt stupid and disappointed. It took me awhile but at the end I had to stop holding grudges. What’s the point, It was upsetting my mood and baby so I had to let it go. It just shows that you can’t trust those people to a certain extent but still be nice in other ways. If you can tell them how you feel than after that let it be. You speaking your feelings will def make them see. And to answer your question, yes, you have the right to be upset.”
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