A mom writes in asking for advice about her child’s father. She says her son’s father is about to be released from jail and has requested that he take their son “for a few months” after he returns home. This mom is not comfortable sending her son to live with him for that long given his history, her son’s unfamiliarity with his father, and the fact that the father lives quite far away. How can she work to help father and son build a relationship she is actually comfortable with?
A member of the community asks:
“My son’s father is in jail and wants our son when he gets out: Advice?
My son’s father has been in jail all nine months of his life and wants to “get him for a few months” when he gets out of jail/goes home. I’m not comfortable sending my son to see him seeing as to how he lives 7 hours away, and my son doesn’t know him from a stranger. I know that he needs to spend time with his dad to become familiar with him, but I know he won’t leave my side, and I don’t want him to until he is comfortable. How can I slowly introduce him to his dad in a way that will be effective for the distance?”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Son’s Father Wants Him for Months After He Is Released from Jail
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I would file for supervised visitation. It depends a lot on why he was in jail and what his conditions are when he gets out. Also, with COVID, I would be apprehensive as many of the correction officers/inmates depending on location have been carriers.”
“I would take advantage now and go file while he is still in jail and get a plan mapped out with a mediator before he even gets out.”
“No way would I ever let that happen. If it isn’t through the courts he could keep your son you do not automatically have custody because you are the mother. Once he gets him he could go to court and get full custody and trust me that is a nightmare. I am not saying don’t let him visit. Try meeting someplace for a supervised visit and see how it goes. Then try and work out something.”
“If it were me, there is no way I’d send my child with someone that’s a complete stranger to them especially if they’ve been in jail. I would do outings that you are present for until you’re more comfortable. I wouldn’t even do any overnights right now until he’s bigger and can talk to you so he can tell you what’s happening while he’s there.”
“Delusional. I think since he’s a stranger to the child, the father needs to establish a relationship first and only do a few hours a week supervised and work up to even unsupervised, to just an overnight.”
“Honestly, I would file for a custody order now. Working out a schedule on your own is a recipe for him to take advantage.”
“Just be prepared: if he takes you to court, you don’t have a say. My husband got out of prison last year after 6 years of being out of his son’s life and we got him right away, and now have regular visits. One thing you’ll have to learn is your child isn’t property and you can’t just say ‘he won’t leave your side until you say’ because it doesn’t work like that. I hope you guys can get it figured out peacefully.”
“Plan lots of outings, overnights stays wouldn’t happen for quite some time if it were me. It will take work on both parts but he created the situation and needs to father up and handle it once able. Everyone can make excuses.”
“A few months? Um no. Start with supervised visits only.”
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